Nope, you are not dreaming! I’m back! After over a year of radio silence, I am writing again. The content never stopped on my social media accounts but when I started to think about writing… my mind went blank. Now, though, I can’t stop thinking about all I want to do with this blog, this business, and this life.
I Almost Gave Up
My last post was one that had been weighing on me emotionally for years. Almost all of the comments and reactions were positive. Yet, I still didn’t feel that relief I had anticipated when I hit “post” on a blog that included such a skeleton from my closet.
For so long, writing has been my escape from reality. I started writing on an anonymous Tumblr blog about all the things that bounce around a teenage girl’s mind: my first boyfriend, applying for college, and the loss of loved ones. Hitting “post” on those blogs helped me categorize and cope as a depressed, young girl. When I didn’t feel it this time, I was worried that maybe I’d lost my passion.
Anyone who makes money online knows how easy it is to get burnt out in doing it. When you work and play from your phone, the lines between the two get easily blurred. There comes a point where you start thinking of life in these opportune moments for content; rather than living in them and making content out of it later.
I fell into that hole was exhausting and miserable, but it’s almost like I couldn’t fathom giving up blogging and creating content for EmyD. There was something, even when I didn’t always feel it, that kept me coming back.
I Haven’t Been Doing Much
To be totally honest, EmyD has very much taken the back burner in my life. I think that’s why it was so easy to make excuses not to write and not to put in effort.
I spent the time working… a lot. I’ve had a great year in terms of success at my corporate job. I’ve done things and accomplished goals that I never thought I would. Putting in work to make it a success, however, effectively placed EmyD on the back burner of my life. Mental and physical exhaustion has made writing one of my last priorities – if I even feel inspired to do so at all!
I’ve also been spending the year healing; finally. I spent more time thinking that I was healed than actually putting in the work to do that healing. There were a lot of really difficult conversations I had to have with myself and had to constantly hold myself accountable. Now, I can confidently say that I’m still not healed, but that I am actively working in that direction.
After a year of avoiding the blog, I’ve chosen to jump back in headfirst. Blogging and creating is really the only time I feel like “me” these days. This blog is a space for me, but also for you! It’s a lifestyle blog about *real* life. Just like life doesn’t fit into a perfect niche box, this blog will not fit perfectly either. Mental health, body positivity, and relationships are things I love writing about, but it doesn’t mean they will be the only thing I write about.
EmyDBlog is about life and learning how to love it by any means necessary. From everyday struggles to products that make my life easier, this is the closest you’ll be to the actual, chaos of thoughts bouncing around my brain. It is where I have shown up as my best self but also as my worst self (and will continue to do so, let’s be real). This EmyD community is a place where you can show up – exactly as you are – and feel loved, supported, and related to. I’m so happy you are here. And, I’m so happy I’m back.
Sound off on the socials below! Who’s excited for the newest chapter of EmyDBlog?!
*TW: Sexual assault, domestic abuse, pregnancy, abortion
I’ve struggled to write this blog for years. Little blurbs that I want to make sure are included are sloppily typed in the Notes app, scribbled on scratch paper littering my office, and spoken into voice memos from random days. For so long, I didn’t know how to turn some of the worst moments of my life into something that would actually benefit someone. All the emotions and thoughts bouncing around my head were difficult to streamline into anything productive.
I have struggled with the implications putting this on the internet might have on me, my relationships, or my future. To not share my story, however, would mean that I wasn’t fully getting all the purpose from my pain. Today, on a day that sets our country back 50+ years, the words seem to sew themselves together pretty easily. It’s actually been somewhat easy to type the words I’ve been struggling with for so long: I had an abortion.
Setting Some Things Straight
Here on the blog, I share a lot of things that someone else might consider a “skeleton in the closet.” From the gruesome details of chronic pain to the lowest of my mental health lows, I have never felt ashamed in being honest about where I’ve come from. This is not an exception to that.
It has been a long time coming, but The Supreme Court’s direct attack on women’s rights makes this essential now. The face of abortion is not a bunch of high-school aged girls using it as a form of birth control or women making the “selfish” choice to live without the stress of a child. It’s mothers who are experiencing liver failure and risking her life. There’s women of all ages who simply cannot afford to have a baby or give a child any sort of quality life. It’s young girls and women that are victims of sexual abuse.
There’s wealthy women, incarcerated women, victims, unemployed women, wives, daughters, sick women, and so many more of us in between. One of the only things that we have in common is that we had to make decision that no one wants to make and now, we have to be synonymous with murderers because of it.
My Abortion Story
There’s a long, long story leading up to my abortion. Some of the details, however, aren’t helpful toward the goal of this blog. They’re wounds that I’ve exhaustively talked about with therapists and medical professionals on more than one occasion, but that have started to heal. So, I’ll give you the details that are important to the story while still guarding my heart a little.
The foundational information to this story is this: I got pregnant at 20 years old with an ex. The promise of “getting back together” left me really naive to the problems that we’d broken up over in the first place. I was still blind to all the instances of narcissistic abuse within my relationship. I’ve spoken about my experience with a partner displaying narcissistic tendencies, but I’ll never be able to really describe the day in and day outs of those days.
To say that I was innocent wouldn’t be truthful. As I’ve said before, I acted horrible in moments of hurt and pain. There were absolutely moments where I was adding toxicity to an already volatile relationship. And, as people are quick to point out, I do know what a consequence of sex is. Just as I answered when seeking an abortion, I was not convinced, blackmailed, or coerced into my decision. I would still make the same decision over again today if 50 years of women’s rights weren’t just stripped from me, that is.
I don’t feel I need to give anyone a reason as to why I didn’t want to have a child at 20 years old. I definitely don’t feel like I have to prove instances of abuse within my relationship to be validated in that difficult choice. It was my body, my life, and my future that were affected in that moment.
Coming to the decision that I would choose abortion was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. It was harder than dealing with the endometriosis pain since I started my period, losing 11 pounds because I couldn’t keep anything down while pregnant, or even having the actual abortion.
Obviously, there are so many horrible moments that lead up to this decision. I don’t want to give those moments life with a blog. The reason for my abortion doesn’t matter; sharing my story and putting a different face to something so stigmatized does. I’m sharing my story in hopes that it finds a woman that needs it. I just really hope that she knows that she doesn’t need a “good reason” to make a decision about her own uterus.
The Abortion: First Appointment
My first trip to the clinic was traumatic. My partner was not able to be there for some reason or another. So, my mom held my hand and soothed me as I walked into an appointment that would change my life.
People approached our car and yelled to me about “all the other options”. There were other options, but none that would work for me. My decision had been made. Throughout the first appointment, the staff always had disclaimers about what they were able to do and say per Wisconsin State Law. They were obligated to use the word “baby” and made sure that I saw the ultrasound. That staff was forced by State Law to make this as unappealing as possible in hopes that the gravity of the decision would change my mind.
That gravity had been weighing on me since my first pregnancy test. The weight of which was making me very physically ill. I was anemic, dehydrated, and losing weight rapidly. The doctor prescribed some anti nausea medicine so that I could actually get my body some nutrients. Then, I was sent home. Wisconsin had a 48-hour minimum waiting period between the initial appointment and procedure. I think it was in hopes that I would change my mind. I didn’t. Don’t worry though, I could have immediately gotten a gun if I wanted it.
The Abortion: Second Appointment
My partner begrudgingly agreed to attend the actual procedure with me. Looking back, one of my parents would have been a better option as you can only have one guest. He had somewhere to be (which I later found out was someone to see) and let me know before we walked in. “This needs to be done by one. I have class,” he had said.
Because of my anxiety and depression, the clinic-appointment counselor had suggested the suction abortion method. It was one where ending my pregnancy was completely done by a doctor that day. No pills that my anxiety would probably cause me to throw up.
I was given 600 mg of ibuprofen and something to avoid infection as preparation. As I laid there, I gripped the hand of a stranger. No guests were allowed in treatment rooms or the recovery area. She asked me about shows I was watching on Netflix. It was a stupid conversation, but it kept the focus off the pain. I watched as the bedpan was taken away and only half listened as the doctor described what she had done to my body. My life had just completely changed in the presence of two strangers. It was overwhelming to say the least.
The recovery room was lonely, sterile, and distant. No guests are allowed to hold your hand or decompress with you per Wisconsin State Law. You spend the first moments after a terrible moment of your life with a juice, thick maxi-pad, and microwavable heating pad.
My recovery was uncomfortable to say the very least. As someone that was very much struggling in my journey with endometriosis (another reason that motivated my abortion decision), my recovery was unique. When professionally done, the rate of complications only hover at about 1%. I was given a lot of grace from my family, friends, and workplace to recover at my own pace – a privilege very few women who seek abortions have.
My ex and I went no contact a year later after a particularly heated argument. From then on, my abortion has never been used against me. His exit from my life and an extensive therapy schedule was the start of my mental recovery. The days that I thought about it started to get fewer. Tears shed less frequently and in smaller waves. As with most past traumas, there are days that are harder than others. There is a lot more guarding of my heart now. Today, however, there are long periods of time where it won’t cross my mind even once.
I’m easily able to say that I made the right call. If I had to go back, I’d do it again. My story was just that: MY story. The more that I dealt with the recovery and trauma, I was able to truly understand that it had nothing to do with anyone else. On that day, I made the absolute best decision for me, my future, my mental health, my finances, my physical health, and my life for the ONLY person that would have to live through it all…me.
What Hitting Post Means
As I type this, I’m not sure what will come of hitting Post. I’m not sure what relationships in my life will change or how differently people will think of me. It could lose followers or supporters of my business. At the end of the day, though, I’ve felt my emotions about this skeleton. I’ve cried, screamed, and said worse things to myself than any stranger on the internet can say.
I’ve realized that hitting the Post button will not change my value to those that matter in my life. Hitting Post is something that I’ve felt I needed to do for so long. Now, more than ever, as our country steps into the scariest parts of our past. You are not alone and I will not stop fighting for us.
My Abortion in Perspective
My abortion story is one of so much privilege. I was able to seek safe abortion care in a clean facility. Nearly, 45% percent of women already have unsafe abortions due to lack of access. I had a support system for my mental and physical recovery. In the grand scheme, however, maternal deaths are increasing as the stigma of abortion care changes legislation. Overturning Roe vs. Wade is a direct attack on millions of women. They are women with so many different contexts and needs.
Restricting access to abortion care isn’t about protecting the lives of the unborn. The “Pro-Life” movement never cared about my life or the lives of women who are currently in my position. It’s about having power and control over lives that we then aren’t responsible for living. After all, Pro-Life certainly doesn’t mean pro-women lives or pro-quality of life.
I’m furious. I hope you are too. If you or someone you know can relate to this in some way, reach out. I am one of millions of people in this country that are by your side. Connect with me at any of the socials below. Fight with me here: abortionfund.org
After a long hiatus from writing, I’m starting back up with a series that I think will be both fun and informative on EmyDBlog: Things I’m Thinking About. Each week, I plan to write about a couple things that I spent time thinking, talking, tweeting, and texting about. Plus, it encourages me to regularly write – even if it isn’t the most monumental, life-changing blog you’ll find on this website
A Note From EmyD
For me, writing is healing. It is the thing that makes me feel powerful, worthy, and confident. There are moments that I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be writing unless I have something groundbreaking to say. I’ve found this to be nothing but the truth. However, like other creative passions, writing lends itself to burnout.
Things I’m Thinking About will allow me to talk about anything while practicing my craft & being just plain creative! All that being said, remember that EmyD is probably not the place to go if you’re looking for citations for your next research paper.
All my love,
First Thing: Tainted Strawberries
If there’s one thing that I want on Memorial Day Weekend, it’s some fresh fruit and something grilled. I picked up some organic strawberries for a balcony day with my friend, Evan. There should have been a red flag moment when I walked into the grocery store with ONLY $8 organic strawberries. Alas, I definitely bought them and heard about the strawberry recall a couple days later.
A recall was issued for some organic strawberries that could have been tainted with the Hepatitis A virus. Even as I’m writing this, there are items being pulled off shelves that might have the strawberries as an ingredient. To our knowledge, our strawberries were all good and they’ve been thrown away if not. Goodbye $8!! Plus, we also have our Hepatitis A vaccine, so we’re still protected just in case! (This is not a plug to get vaccinated, but yet, another example on why they keep us safe.) So, my love and cravings for strawberries might be on a hiatus, but I’m still a strawberry stan nonetheless.
Second Thing: Heard v. Depp Trial
Like everyone else who has any social media accounts, I’ve seen SO much on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of either of them. At the risk of all the hate comments, I haven’t even seen any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I also could not have told you who Amber Heard even was.
I have been more involved in this trial, though, than I have with my literal blog. I’ve always had an interest in law – I even studied to take the LSAT and go to law school – but, there was something that just really intrigued me about this trial. It could have been all the memorable moments of the lawyers making hundreds of thousands of dollars being unprepared. Or, I could have been the fact that I’ve had an abusive partner, so I just craved justice. Who knows. I was here for it though.
Both Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were found guilty of defaming the other one. The trial, unlike what many think, is not about whether or not there was domestic abuse. I was particularly irked about the statement Heard made after the verdict. “I’m heartbroken that the mountain of evidence still was not enough to stand up to the disproportionate power, influence, and sway of my ex-husband,” said Heard. Heard misrepresents the case and the jury’s verdict completely which is gaslight-y and a further red flag.
Third Thing: We’re Stilllllll Talking about Guns & Doing Nothing
This topic deserves much more than a blurb in a Things I’m Thinking About post. I know that. Nevertheless, I it’s important to include some of the thoughts racing through my head in this week’s Things I’m Thinking About because they’re relentless. I literally cannot stop thinking about or trying to make sense of an argument in which you WOULDN’T want it to be harder to obtain a gun.
You’ll find hundreds of tweets from elected officials praying, wishing, and talking about the horrific acts in Texas. You won’t find that sentiment when those politicians are tasked with voting to make guns, especially automatic weapons, harder to obtain. They should be thinking about the murders happening at the end of a gun. Prayers should be sent to those families They should be offering their support in the form of votes and action. Otherwise, those words mean nothing.
From Thinking to Action
That being said, I’ll include some ways to take tangible action. Because, let’s face it, something that we should all be thinking about how WE can bring about change. Here are some great ways to take action today:
Contact Your Representatives – Tell them how you feel about gun-laws in your state. Demand action from them. Tell them what you think! They work for you!
Donate – Charities like the Sandy Hook Promise exist everywhere. There are so many grassroots nonprofits working toward protecting people in their schools, homes, and communities from gun violence. Give what you can!
Walk the Walk – At the end of the day, keeping yourself informed and involved is the most important part. The Prevention Institute has some really amazing information and guides on how gun safety can be implemented in all types of lifestyle!
This week’s recap has a couple of heavy hitters. I want to hear what’s been on your mind too. Connect with me on any socials to tell me what you’ve been thinking about!
Welcome back to another set of show notes for Wanna Match podcast! This is a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together each week, match, and try to explain a topic that we previously researched. It’s our last one before we get into the merry & bright season of PODMAS!! Like typical Wanna Match fashion, we went off! It’s the BP Oil Spill vs. Mel’s Hole!
This blog may contain affiliate links for your convenience. You can find my full advertising disclaimer here.
Admittedly, I am NOT a car girl. Like at all. In fact, I was just getting made fun of at work for not instantly knowing where I would put windshield wiper fluid in. For some reason, it just doesn’t click in my brain. So, I’ve been willing to spend way too much time and money on my car when much easier options were available. I teamed up with FIXD to understand & care for my car in the best way for my wallet and my time!
What is FIXD?
FIXD is technology created by three Georgia Tech Grads in Atlanta, Georgia. It comes with a sensor that plugs right into your OBD2 port. (I had no idea where this was, but the app gives you a step-by-step guide on finding it in your specific vehicle!) It uses bluetooth with an app that you can get from any app store.
There’s thousands of things to learn and do on the app. Its main use, however, is saving you time, energy and worry when it comes to car care. It can’t get better than that!
How does FIXD work?
Once you plug your FIXD sensor in, it’s constantly running diagnostics on your car. It can tell you things like oil health, tire pressure, battery health, and mileage all through the app! Inside the app, you can also see a timeline of services that your car needs throughout ownership. It provides you with information on why you need services, where to get them serviced in your area, and how much you should budget!
There are so many free features on the FIXD app. At only $5.83 per month (billed annually), you’ll have even more car care information at your fingertips.The premium membership offers things like a mechanic hotline, predictions of future problems to look out for and be aware of, and emissions analysis. FIXD basically gives you your car’s health at your fingertips! The premium membership isn’t necessary, however, to get the benefits of the FIXD sensor and free membership!
Is it worth it?
Right now, you can get FIXD for $19.99 with free shipping. The stress that FIXD takes away from car care makes the product already worth it – not to mention the opportunity to save money when actual servicing is necessary! I also feel safer in my car when I understand it, something that’s definitely worth the price! I know that my dad feels better with me driving with FIXD as well!
FIXD can also be used to manage multiple vehicles over and over again. Using the free app, you’re able to track maintenance issues in all the family cars! You can also use FIXD to help determine if everything looks good on a vehicle before buying. It can be a handy tool for any car owner to have on hand.
How do I get one?
You can pick up your FIXD sensor right here. The FIXD is free for download wherever you’re able to download applications to your phone.
While at the gym, I started to think about how everyone around me was doing something different. Not only that, but they’re all in different places in their lives, their exercise journey, and their physical capabilities. While we have a “type” that we’ve grown to think are “healthy and fit”, we were all at the gym doing what we needed to do for our bodies at that moment. Weight does not equal health. It doesn’t equal your mile time or how much you bench. In fact, the way you look doesn’t determine your health to anyone, despite what we’ve all been taught in this world.
Let’s Talk Elliptical
Jenna Marbles has a Youtube video from forever ago where she talks about getting judged at the gym (which I just found out is deleted :/). While she was going slow on her elliptical, a girl going much faster was giving all sorts of condescending looks. She didn’t know, however, that Jenna had her resistance on the highest setting which gave her a different exercise altogether. A workout that works for one body doesn’t work for another. Some people have injuries or medical conditions that make even moving certain muscles difficult in the first place! The way you’re working out has nothing to do with your health level.
Let’s Talk Fitness Clothing Culture
Athleisure is not only the trend, but also the bulk of my personal closet. Even though I have a million pairs of leggings, I truly do not feel like I can have enough. For so long, the fitness industry has made athleisure for a certain group of people. Those who might have a couple extra inches in any part of their body don’t have athletic clothes that fit them properly or provide support when doing anything strenuous. Brands that I love for pre-workout, protein, or workout gear often only go up to a size XL. It’s confusing, considering the average clothing size of a woman in the US is 14, but trends to size 16-18. Even if you are within the XS-XL size range, you might have broad shoulders, a large chest, strong thighs, or short legs that make shopping for fitness clothing difficult.
Let’s Talk Looks
By looking at me, you wouldn’t guess that I swam competitively for 8 years. Even now, I can swim laps around people that are considered much fitter and healthier than I. It’s the way that I’ve moved my muscles and how I’ve conditioned my body. Morgan Stickney is a double amputee and professional swimmer. Her fastest 400m Freestyle time as a Paraolympic swimmer is only one minute of the world record time. Without legs, she’s swimming faster than a large majority of the world.
This is an example of an amazing athlete overcoming a physical obstacle. Though not as extreme, the same could be said for the people around you at the gym. You’d be surprised what people can accomplish when you stop placing societal exceptions on them.
Let’s Wrap It Up
The way someone looks does not equate to their health. The way that my stomach looks in a sports bra does not mean that I don’t work out, or that I don’t workout correctly, or even that I’m unhealthy. Unless you’re my doctor with my medical chart in front of you, don’t assume things you don’t know!
Obesity has so many causes. Though being overweight has health risks, it’s important to understand health is not a one size fits all. Encouraging people to love their body isn’t condoning unhealthy lifestyle habits. In fact, loving your body allows you to move, stretch, exercise, and pamper yourself like you need!
Want to talk body positivity? Connect with me on the socials below!
Welcome back to the show notes of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Sydney and Emily, come together, match, and try to explain a topic that we previously researched. This episode is about The Western Schism vs. The Crying Boy Painting!
Happy Thanksgiving! Welcome to the show notes of Wanna Match Podcast – a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to explain a topic that we previously researched! It’s a Thanksgiving episode, so we did two topics you might related to Turkey Day: Black Friday vs. Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade!
Thanks so much for listening and supporting Wanna Match Podcast! You can find more show notes right here. Make sure to follow us on socials for content throughout the week! Rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen! It really helps us out 🙂
In a world where working yourself to death is normal and a global pandemic seems never ending, it’s sometimes hard to see the silver lining in an average day. Sure, Thanksgiving comes around and you realize the big things you’re thankful for: family, friends, health, food, and so on. You’ll be able to see the little things in your everyday when you start looking for them more closely. Here are 5 little things to be thankful for that might be getting overlooked this year.
When You Hit a Bunch of Green Lights in a Row
Sometimes, we have days where we have only red lights to stop at on our drive. Others, we hit every green light on a long stretch of road – can you imagine it now? We’re happier that we got somewhere faster, but have you ever just been really thankful that your day ended up that way. It’s tiny, I know, but it’s something that can truly make you think that the Universe is on your side in your day!
Finding a Go-To Sweater for your Closet
I recently found a sweater that I absolutely adore from H&M. It’s a go-to item of clothing for me now. It works with just about anything and it’s so soft I want to cry! Finding clothing that fit you well and makes you feel good isn’t always a given. So, when you find something that really makes you feel good, it’s important to savor that feeling (and buy one of every color).
TV Shows to Binge Watch
If you know me or have seen a dating profile of mine, you know that I’m a huge true crime nerd. I rewatch NCIS and Criminal Minds like three times a year. Some people find a new show to watch as soon as their current one is over, while others stick to the tried and true.
TV and streaming services have really been cranking out some stellar TV options lately. More people have been represented in our everyday media and it shows. Sometimes, having no plans and just your favorite TV show to curl up with is something to be thankful for too!
Nothing hits has hard as homemade food. There is not a restaurant or chain that can replicate what homemade food makes you feel like. For one, you can be proud that you’re not spending buckets of money. Two, you can really curate exactly what you want. Three, you can feel a level of productivity that you just don’t feel when you’re grabbing something quick through the drive thru.
This year, I ate homemade mashed potatoes twice for Thanksgiving. It seems like a tiny thing to be joyful about, but I never do it for myself! It tastes better and it’s made with much more love, of course.
Photos and Videos to Look Back On
Say what you will about blogging, but running anything on social media will make you really good at being the photographer and videographer of any event. That’s not to say that there are not moments, of course, that you can’t experience behind a phone screen.
We have a tradition of watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation each year on Thanksgiving. There’s a part where Clark Griswald, the main character, is looking back on old family videos of Christmas. Social media might be a huge pain, but it’s allowed people to share their moments with others – good, bad, beautiful, and ugly. Maybe pictures are a pain to take now, but you’ll definitely be thankful showing your loved ones when that photo represents a really cool memory or story.
What are you thankful for? It can be big or small. We all have something! Come and tell me on my social media accounts below!
Welcome back to show notes of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together each week, match, and then try to explain a topic that we previously researched! This week we have an AQUARIUM THEME in honor of our trip to the Shedd Aquarium! We cover a dual story from the Pania Reef vs. Sea Pigs!