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My Abortion Story

*TW: Sexual assault, domestic abuse, pregnancy, abortion

I’ve struggled to write this blog for years. Little blurbs that I want to make sure are included are sloppily typed in the Notes app, scribbled on scratch paper littering my office, and spoken into voice memos from random days. For so long, I didn’t know how to turn some of the worst moments of my life into something that would actually benefit someone. All the emotions and thoughts bouncing around my head were difficult to streamline into anything productive.

I have struggled with the implications putting this on the internet might have on me, my relationships, or my future. To not share my story, however, would mean that I wasn’t fully getting all the purpose from my pain. Today, on a day that sets our country back 50+ years, the words seem to sew themselves together pretty easily. It’s actually been somewhat easy to type the words I’ve been struggling with for so long: I had an abortion.

Setting Some Things Straight

Here on the blog, I share a lot of things that someone else might consider a “skeleton in the closet.” From the gruesome details of chronic pain to the lowest of my mental health lows, I have never felt ashamed in being honest about where I’ve come from. This is not an exception to that.

It has been a long time coming, but The Supreme Court’s direct attack on women’s rights makes this essential now. The face of abortion is not a bunch of high-school aged girls using it as a form of birth control or women making the “selfish” choice to live without the stress of a child. It’s mothers who are experiencing liver failure and risking her life. There’s women of all ages who simply cannot afford to have a baby or give a child any sort of quality life. It’s young girls and women that are victims of sexual abuse.

There’s wealthy women, incarcerated women, victims, unemployed women, wives, daughters, sick women, and so many more of us in between. One of the only things that we have in common is that we had to make decision that no one wants to make and now, we have to be synonymous with murderers because of it.

My Abortion Story

The Background

There’s a long, long story leading up to my abortion. Some of the details, however, aren’t helpful toward the goal of this blog. They’re wounds that I’ve exhaustively talked about with therapists and medical professionals on more than one occasion, but that have started to heal. So, I’ll give you the details that are important to the story while still guarding my heart a little.

The foundational information to this story is this: I got pregnant at 20 years old with an ex. The promise of “getting back together” left me really naive to the problems that we’d broken up over in the first place.  I was still blind to all the instances of narcissistic abuse within my relationship. I’ve spoken about my experience with a partner displaying narcissistic tendencies, but I’ll never be able to really describe the day in and day outs of those days.

I saw what so many people beg to see, but felt nothing but pain, confusion, and darkness. One day, I will share this amazing, happy moment with a partner who’s equally as happy, rather than one that tells you all the reasons you can’t do it.

To say that I was innocent wouldn’t be truthful. As I’ve said before, I acted horrible in moments of hurt and pain. There were absolutely moments where I was adding toxicity to an already volatile relationship. And, as people are quick to point out, I do know what a consequence of sex is. Just as I answered when seeking an abortion, I was not convinced, blackmailed, or coerced into my decision. I would still make the same decision over again today if 50 years of women’s rights weren’t just stripped from me, that is.

The Reason

I don’t feel I need to give anyone a reason as to why I didn’t want to have a child at 20 years old. I definitely don’t feel like I have to prove instances of abuse within my relationship to be validated in that difficult choice. It was my body, my life, and my future that were affected in that moment.

Coming to the decision that I would choose abortion was the hardest thing that I’ve ever done. It was harder than dealing with the endometriosis pain since I started my period, losing 11 pounds because I couldn’t keep anything down while pregnant, or even having the actual abortion.

Obviously, there are so many horrible moments that lead up to this decision. I don’t want to give those moments life with a blog. The reason for my abortion doesn’t matter; sharing my story and putting a different face to something so stigmatized does. I’m sharing my story in hopes that it finds a woman that needs it. I just really hope that she knows that she doesn’t need a “good reason” to make a decision about her own uterus.

The Abortion: First Appointment

My first trip to the clinic was traumatic. My partner was not able to be there for some reason or another. So, my mom held my hand and soothed me as I walked into an appointment that would change my life.

Planned Parenthood of Wisconsin literally saved my life. They were paramount in getting me safe care, even though they were restricted by our state’s laws. They also helped me to get another form of birth control that has worked for me for years.

People approached our car and yelled to me about “all the other options”. There were other options, but none that would work for me. My decision had been made. Throughout the first appointment, the staff always had disclaimers about what they were able to do and say per Wisconsin State Law. They were obligated to use the word “baby” and made sure that I saw the ultrasound. That staff was forced by State Law to make this as unappealing as possible in hopes that the gravity of the decision would change my mind.

That gravity had been weighing on me since my first pregnancy test. The weight of which was making me very physically ill. I was anemic, dehydrated, and losing weight rapidly. The doctor prescribed some anti nausea medicine so that I could actually get my body some nutrients.  Then, I was sent home. Wisconsin had a 48-hour minimum waiting period between the initial appointment and procedure. I think it was in hopes that I would change my mind. I didn’t. Don’t worry though, I could have immediately gotten a gun if I wanted it.

The Abortion: Second Appointment

My partner begrudgingly agreed to attend the actual procedure with me. Looking back, one of my parents would have been a better option as you can only have one guest. He had somewhere to be (which I later found out was someone to see) and let me know before we walked in. “This needs to be done by one. I have class,” he had said.

Because of my anxiety and depression, the clinic-appointment counselor had suggested the suction abortion method. It was one where ending my pregnancy was completely done by a doctor that day. No pills that my anxiety would probably cause me to throw up.

I was given 600 mg of ibuprofen and something to avoid infection as preparation. As I laid there, I gripped the hand of a stranger. No guests were allowed in treatment rooms or the recovery area. She asked me about shows I was watching on Netflix. It was a stupid conversation, but it kept the focus off the pain. I watched as the bedpan was taken away and only half listened as the doctor described what she had done to my body. My life had just completely changed in the presence of two strangers. It was overwhelming to say the least.

The recovery room was lonely, sterile, and distant. No guests are allowed to hold your hand or decompress with you per Wisconsin State Law. You spend the first moments after a terrible moment of your life with a juice, thick maxi-pad, and microwavable heating pad.

The Aftermath

My recovery was uncomfortable to say the very least. As someone that was very much struggling in my journey with endometriosis (another reason that motivated my abortion decision), my recovery was unique. When professionally done, the rate of complications only hover at about 1%. I was given a lot of grace from my family, friends, and workplace to recover at my own pace – a privilege very few women who seek abortions have.

My ex and I went no contact a year later after a particularly heated argument. From then on, my abortion has never been used against me. His exit from my life and an extensive therapy schedule was the start of my mental recovery.  The days that I thought about it started to get fewer. Tears shed less frequently and in smaller waves. As with most past traumas, there are days that are harder than others. There is a lot more guarding of my heart now. Today, however, there are long periods of time where it won’t cross my mind even once.

I’m easily able to say that I made the right call. If I had to go back, I’d do it again. My story was just that: MY story. The more that I dealt with the recovery and trauma, I was able to truly understand that it had nothing to do with anyone else. On that day, I made the absolute best decision for me, my future, my mental health, my finances, my physical health, and my life for the ONLY person that would have to live through it all…me.

What Hitting Post Means

As I type this, I’m not sure what will come of hitting Post. I’m not sure what relationships in my life will change or how differently people will think of me. It could lose followers or supporters of my business. At the end of the day, though, I’ve felt my emotions about this skeleton. I’ve cried, screamed, and said worse things to myself than any stranger on the internet can say.

I’ve realized that hitting the Post button will not change my value to those that matter in my life. Hitting Post is something that I’ve felt I needed to do for so long. Now, more than ever, as our country steps into the scariest parts of our past. You are not alone and I will not stop fighting for us.

My Abortion in Perspective

My abortion story is one of so much privilege. I was able to seek safe abortion care in a clean facility. Nearly, 45% percent of women already have unsafe abortions due to lack of access. I had a support system for my mental and physical recovery. In the grand scheme, however, maternal deaths are increasing as the stigma of abortion care changes legislation. Overturning Roe vs. Wade is a direct attack on millions of women. They are women with so many different contexts and needs.

Restricting access to abortion care isn’t about protecting the lives of the unborn. The “Pro-Life” movement never cared about my life or the lives of women who are currently in my position. It’s about having power and control over lives that we then aren’t responsible for living. After all, Pro-Life certainly doesn’t mean pro-women lives or pro-quality of life. 

I’m furious. I hope you are too. If you or someone you know can relate to this in some way, reach out. I am one of millions of people in this country that are by your side. Connect with me at any of the socials below. Fight with me here: abortionfund.org

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NEW Series: Things I’m Thinking About

After a long hiatus from writing, I’m starting back up with a series that I think will be both fun and informative on EmyDBlog: Things I’m Thinking About. Each week, I plan to write about a couple things that I spent time thinking, talking, tweeting, and texting about. Plus, it encourages me to regularly write – even if it isn’t the most monumental, life-changing blog you’ll find on this website

A Note From EmyD

For me, writing is healing. It is the thing that makes me feel powerful, worthy, and confident. There are moments that I sometimes feel like I shouldn’t be writing unless I have something groundbreaking to say. I’ve found this to be nothing but the truth. However, like other creative passions, writing lends itself to burnout.

Things I’m Thinking About will allow me to talk about anything while practicing my craft & being just plain creative! All that being said, remember that EmyD is probably not the place to go if you’re looking for citations for your next research paper.

All my love,

EmyD

First Thing: Tainted Strawberries

Did anyone else have to throw away super expensive strawberries??

If there’s one thing that I want on Memorial Day Weekend, it’s some fresh fruit and something grilled. I picked up some organic strawberries for a balcony day with my friend, Evan. There should have been a red flag moment when I walked into the grocery store with ONLY $8 organic strawberries. Alas, I definitely bought them and heard about the strawberry recall a couple days later.

A recall was issued for some organic strawberries that could have been tainted with the Hepatitis A virus. Even as I’m writing this, there are items being pulled off shelves that might have the strawberries as an ingredient. To our knowledge, our strawberries were all good and they’ve been thrown away if not. Goodbye $8!! Plus, we also have our Hepatitis A vaccine, so we’re still protected just in case! (This is not a plug to get vaccinated, but yet, another example on why they keep us safe.) So, my love and cravings for strawberries might be on a hiatus, but I’m still a strawberry stan nonetheless.

Second Thing: Heard v. Depp Trial

Like everyone else who has any social media accounts, I’ve seen SO much on the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp trial. Honestly, I’m not a huge fan of either of them. At the risk of all the hate comments, I haven’t even seen any of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. I also could not have told you who Amber Heard even was.

I have been more involved in this trial, though, than I have with my literal blog. I’ve always had an interest in law – I even studied to take the LSAT and go to law school – but, there was something that just really intrigued me about this trial. It could have been all the memorable moments of the lawyers making hundreds of thousands of dollars being unprepared. Or, I could have been the fact that I’ve had an abusive partner, so I just craved justice. Who knows. I was here for it though.

Both Johnny Depp and Amber Heard were found guilty of defaming the other one. The trial, unlike what many think, is not about whether or not there was domestic abuse. I was particularly irked about the statement Heard made after the verdict. “I’m heartbroken that the mountain of evidence still was not enough to stand up to the disproportionate power, influence, and sway of my ex-husband,” said Heard. Heard misrepresents the case and the jury’s verdict completely which is gaslight-y and a further red flag.

Third Thing: We’re Stilllllll Talking about Guns & Doing Nothing

Photo credit to The Prevention Institute

This topic deserves much more than a blurb in a Things I’m Thinking About post. I know that. Nevertheless, I it’s important to include some of the thoughts racing through my head in this week’s Things I’m Thinking About because they’re relentless. I literally cannot stop thinking about or trying to make sense of an argument in which you WOULDN’T want it to be harder to obtain a gun.

You’ll find hundreds of tweets from elected officials praying, wishing, and talking about the horrific acts in Texas. You won’t find that sentiment when those politicians are tasked with voting to make guns, especially automatic weapons, harder to obtain. They should be thinking about the murders happening at the end of a gun. Prayers should be sent to those families They should be offering their support in the form of votes and action. Otherwise, those words mean nothing. 

From Thinking to Action

That being said, I’ll include some ways to take tangible action. Because, let’s face it, something that we should all be thinking about how WE can bring about change. Here are some great ways to take action today:

  • Contact Your Representatives – Tell them how you feel about gun-laws in your state. Demand action from them. Tell them what you think! They work for you!
  • Donate – Charities like the Sandy Hook Promise exist everywhere. There are so many grassroots nonprofits working toward protecting people in their schools, homes, and communities from gun violence. Give what you can!
  • Walk the Walk – At the end of the day, keeping yourself informed and involved is the most important part. The Prevention Institute has some really amazing information and guides on how gun safety can be implemented in all types of lifestyle!

This week’s recap has a couple of heavy hitters. I want to hear what’s been on your mind too. Connect with me on any socials to tell me what you’ve been thinking about!

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Understanding My Car with FIXD

This blog may contain affiliate links for your convenience. You can find my full advertising disclaimer here. 

Admittedly, I am NOT a car girl. Like at all. In fact, I was just getting made fun of at work for not instantly knowing where I would put windshield wiper fluid in. For some reason, it just doesn’t click in my brain. So, I’ve been willing to spend way too much time and money on my car when much easier options were available. I teamed up with FIXD to understand & care for my car in the best way for my wallet and my time!

What is FIXD?

FIXD is technology created by three Georgia Tech Grads in Atlanta, Georgia. It comes with a sensor that plugs right into your OBD2 port. (I had no idea where this was, but the app gives you a step-by-step guide on finding it in your specific vehicle!) It uses bluetooth with an app that you can get from any app store.

There’s thousands of things to learn and do on the app. Its main use, however, is saving you time, energy and worry when it comes to car care. It can’t get better than that!

How does FIXD work?

Once you plug your FIXD sensor in, it’s constantly running diagnostics on your car. It can tell you things like oil health, tire pressure, battery health, and mileage all through the app! Inside the app, you can also see a timeline of services that your car needs throughout ownership. It provides you with information on why you need services, where to get them serviced in your area, and how much you should budget!

There’s literally like 7,000 things that the app can tell you about your car at the touch of a button!

There are so many free features on the FIXD app. At only $5.83 per month (billed annually), you’ll have even more car care information at your fingertips.The premium membership offers things like a mechanic hotline, predictions of future problems to look out for and be aware of, and emissions analysis. FIXD basically gives you your car’s health at your fingertips! The premium membership isn’t necessary, however, to get the benefits of the FIXD sensor and free membership! 

Is it worth it?

Right now, you can get FIXD for $19.99 with free shipping. The stress that FIXD takes away from car care makes the product already worth it – not to mention the opportunity to save money when actual servicing is necessary! I also feel safer in my car when I understand it, something that’s definitely worth the price! I know that my dad feels better with me driving with FIXD as well!  

FIXD can also be used to manage multiple vehicles over and over again. Using the free app, you’re able to track maintenance issues in all the family cars! You can also use FIXD to help determine if everything looks good on a vehicle before buying. It can be a handy tool for any car owner to have on hand.

How do I get one?

You can pick up your FIXD sensor right here. The FIXD is free for download wherever you’re able to download applications to your phone.

You can find more information on the official FIXD website and on their Instagram page!

Do you have a car trouble story? Do you want to learn more about FIXD? Connect with me on any socials below – I’m a car girl now 😉

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Weight Does Not Equal Health

While at the gym, I started to think about how everyone around me was doing something different. Not only that, but they’re all in different places in their lives, their exercise journey, and their physical capabilities. While we have a “type” that we’ve grown to think are “healthy and fit”, we were all at the gym doing what we needed to do for our bodies at that moment. Weight does not equal health. It doesn’t equal your mile time or how much you bench. In fact, the way you look doesn’t determine your health to anyone, despite what we’ve all been taught in this world.

Let’s Talk Elliptical

Jenna Marbles has a Youtube video from forever ago where she talks about getting judged at the gym (which I just found out is deleted :/). While she was going slow on her elliptical, a girl going much faster was giving all sorts of condescending looks. She didn’t know, however, that Jenna had her resistance on the highest setting which gave her a different exercise altogether. A workout that works for one body doesn’t work for another. Some people have injuries or medical conditions that make even moving certain muscles difficult in the first place! The way you’re working out has nothing to do with your health level.

Let’s Talk Fitness Clothing Culture

Athleisure is not only the trend, but also the bulk of my personal closet. Even though I have a million pairs of leggings, I truly do not feel like I can have enough. For so long, the fitness industry has made athleisure for a certain group of people. Those who might have a couple extra inches in any part of their body don’t have athletic clothes that fit them properly or provide support when doing anything strenuous. Brands that I love for pre-workout, protein, or workout gear often only go up to a size XL. It’s confusing, considering the average clothing size of a woman in the US is 14, but trends to size 16-18. Even if you are within the XS-XL size range, you might have broad shoulders, a large chest, strong thighs, or short legs that make shopping for fitness clothing difficult. 

Let’s Talk Looks

By looking at me, you wouldn’t guess that I swam competitively for 8 years. Even now, I can swim laps around people that are considered much fitter and healthier than I. It’s the way that I’ve moved my muscles and how I’ve conditioned my body. Morgan Stickney is a double amputee and professional swimmer. Her fastest 400m Freestyle time as a Paraolympic swimmer is only one minute of the world record time. Without legs, she’s swimming faster than a large majority of the world.

This is an example of an amazing athlete overcoming a physical obstacle. Though not as extreme, the same could be said for the people around you at the gym. You’d be surprised what people can accomplish when you stop placing societal exceptions on them.

Let’s Wrap It Up

The way someone looks does not equate to their health. The way that my stomach looks in a sports bra does not mean that I don’t work out, or that I don’t workout correctly, or even that I’m unhealthy. Unless you’re my doctor with my medical chart in front of you, don’t assume things you don’t know!

Obesity has so many causes. Though being overweight has health risks, it’s important to understand health is not a one size fits all. Encouraging people to love their body isn’t condoning unhealthy lifestyle habits. In fact, loving your body allows you to move, stretch, exercise, and pamper yourself like you need!

Want to talk body positivity? Connect with me on the socials below!

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Ep #14: The Western Schism vs. The Crying Boy Painting Show Notes

Welcome back to the show notes of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Sydney and Emily, come together, match, and try to explain a topic that we previously researched. This episode is about The Western Schism vs. The Crying Boy Painting!

The Western Schism

Photo 1:

The hierarchy of people in the Catholic church

Photo 2:

Location of Avignon in France

Photo 3:

Location of Rome in Italy

Photo 4:

Location of Pisa in Italy

Photo 4:


A great diagram of all the Popes going on in their respective area (drawn by Syd)

The Western Schism Citations:

The Crying Boy Painting

Photo 1:

“The Crying Boy Painting” though it definitely looked different throughout time and by different artists

Photo 2:

Photo 3:

A photo of someone trying to burn The Crying Boy Painting

The Crying Boy Citations:

Thanks so much for listening! Tell us how you liked this episode at any of our socials below! Check out other show notes right here!

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5 Little Things to Be Thankful for This Year

In a world where working yourself to death is normal and a global pandemic seems never ending, it’s sometimes hard to see the silver lining in an average day. Sure, Thanksgiving comes around and you realize the big things you’re thankful for: family, friends, health, food, and so on. You’ll be able to see the little things in your everyday when you start looking for them more closely. Here are 5 little things to be thankful for that might be getting overlooked this year.

When You Hit a Bunch of Green Lights in a Row

Sometimes, we have days where we have only red lights to stop at on our drive. Others, we hit every green light on a long stretch of road – can you imagine it now? We’re happier that we got somewhere faster, but have you ever just been really thankful that your day ended up that way. It’s tiny, I know, but it’s something that can truly make you think that the Universe is on your side in your day!

Finding a Go-To Sweater for your Closet

I recently found a sweater that I absolutely adore from H&M. It’s a go-to item of clothing for me now. It works with just about anything and it’s so soft I want to cry! Finding clothing that fit you well and makes you feel good isn’t always a given. So, when you find something that really makes you feel good, it’s important to savor that feeling (and buy one of every color).

The go-to sweater from above. Seriously, it’s everything. Bonus point: it’s from their recycled collection so I can feel good about wearing it too!

TV Shows to Binge Watch

If you know me or have seen a dating profile of mine, you know that I’m a huge true crime nerd. I rewatch NCIS and Criminal Minds like three times a year. Some people find a new show to watch as soon as their current one is over, while others stick to the tried and true.

TV and streaming services have really been cranking out some stellar TV options lately. More people have been represented in our everyday media and it shows. Sometimes, having no plans and just your favorite TV show to curl up with is something to be thankful for too!

Homemade Food

Nothing hits has hard as homemade food. There is not a restaurant or chain that can replicate what homemade food makes you feel like. For one, you can be proud that you’re not spending buckets of money. Two, you can really curate exactly what you want. Three, you can feel a level of productivity that you just don’t feel when you’re grabbing something quick through the drive thru.

This year, I ate homemade mashed potatoes twice for Thanksgiving. It seems like a tiny thing to be joyful about, but I never do it for myself! It tastes better and it’s made with much more love, of course.

Photos and Videos to Look Back On

Say what you will about blogging, but running anything on social media will make you really good at being the photographer and videographer of any event. That’s not to say that there are not moments, of course, that you can’t experience behind a phone screen.

We have a tradition of watching National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation each year on Thanksgiving. There’s a part where Clark Griswald, the main character, is looking back on old family videos of Christmas. Social media might be a huge pain, but it’s allowed people to share their moments with others – good, bad, beautiful, and ugly. Maybe pictures are a pain to take now, but you’ll definitely be thankful showing your loved ones when that photo represents a really cool memory or story.

What are you thankful for? It can be big or small. We all have something! Come and tell me on my social media accounts below!

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Ep #11: Winnie the Pooh Conspiracies vs. Flannan Isle Disappearances Show Notes

Welcome back to another episode show notes of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to explain topics that we previously researched! This week we’re back with newest member of the family, Lily who makes some sneezing & gymnastic appearances in the studio. This is also a special one because it’s Ep 11 going up on 11/11 at 11:11 pm! FUN! Sit back (or stand or do whatever you’ve gotta do!) and listen to us talk about the Winnie the Pooh Conspiracies vs. the Flannan Isle Dissapearances!

Winnie the Pooh Conspiracies

Photo 1:

The Winnie the Pooh characters and their mental illnesses that have been theorized

Photo 2:

The DSM-5 that includes the Winnie the Pooh characters that a mental health professional would use to diagnose them if they were real

Photo 3:

The most straight forward example is Eyeore, whose hopelessness that can be lined to depression is hard to miss

Winnie the Pooh Conspiracy Show Notes

Flannen Isle Disappearances

Photo 1:

Location of Flannan Isle

Photo 2:

The lighthouse that was not lit, inspected, and abandoned by the three men

Photo 3:

James Ducat, Thomas Marshall, William MacArthur – the three lightkeepers supposed to be at the Flannan lighthouse in December of 1900

Photo 4:

Telegram that Captain Harvey sent to alert the northern lighthouse board of the disappearance of the men 

Flannan Isle Disappearances Show Notes:

Thank you so much for the support of Wanna Match Podcast! You can check out other show notes right here. Make sure you follow us on socials for funny content throughout the week! Also, rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen -it really helps us out!

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Ep #10: Flat Earth vs. ATMs Show Notes

Welcome back to another episode of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to describe a topic we previously researched. This week, we introduce the newest member of our little podcast family, Lily! Lily is Sydney’s 12 week old kitten! You’ll hear her throughout the episode as we chat about Flat Earth theories and ATMs.

Flat Earth

Photo 1:

Charles K. Johnson

Photo 2:

Proposed flat earth map

Photo 3:

The proposed “dome” flat earth theory

Flat Earth Citations:

ATMs

The first ATMs were withdrawal only, kind of like a cash register

Photo 2:

Some have resorted to destroying ATMs to get the money inside

Photo 3:

As ATMs have gotten more advanced, so is the process of stealing from them. Some people do what’s called “phishing” where they steal the data off someone’s magnetic stripe of their card

ATMs Citations:

Thank you so much for the support of Wanna Match Podcast! You can find more show notes right here. Make sure to follow our socials for constant, funny content. Rate, review, and subscribe wherever you’re listening – it really helps us out!

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The Types of Guys You Meet on Tinder Gold

Using dating apps is essentially how singles meet these days. The stories of just running into your future spouse when you were sipping milkshakes at the diner or accidentally bumping into them in Times Square is just not realistic anymore. If you are dating someone that stemmed from these extenuating circumstances, understand that you’re lucky and the universe really aligned for you. More realistically, you might meet a future partner on a number of dating sites or apps that are aimed toward whatever your little heart is looking for. I took it one step farther by getting Tinder Gold to see what all the fuss was about.

Let’s Understand Tinder Gold

Tinder Basics

If you want to understand Tinder Gold, you need to understand Tinder. It’s one of the most popular dating apps, especially amongst the demographic of partners I’m looking for. Tinder is a place where you upload a couple of photos, update your bio to whatever best describes you, and maybe even set an anthem so people get a taste of your music.

MY anthem is obviously “Stronger” by Kanye West

You swipe to the right to “match” with someone and show your interest. The opposite, or not being interested, is a swipe to the left. If someone really gets your blood pumping, you “super like”; which gives them a notification and a special little blue box. With Tinder Gold, you’re able to see all the people who have swiped right on your profile. You can also “boost” yourself so that you’re showing up more often & toward the beginning for those swiping in your area.

Adventuring Into Tinder Gold

I bought Tinder Gold because a sweet friend of mine had it and said she liked it! She showed me that swipes had immediate gratification because you know they’d already said yes to you! Considering the $15 dollars a month was something I could definitely swing, I decided to give it a try. Maybe this says more about me, but I’ve realized that a lot of the guys you meet on Tinder Gold have some similarities. Also, keep in mind this is coming from a heterosexual woman – so it might not be representative of your app. Or, is it?

My Take on Tinder Gold

For me, Tinder Gold was totally worth the money. I spend more on sushi when I order it once than I do on the addition each month. It literally skyrocketed my confidence when I first bought Tinder Gold and saw I had well over 3,500 matches. My worth isn’t quantified in the number of Tinder matches I have, of course. When your filling your head with some negative self talk, it’s a self confidence boost to see how many people think you’re a little cutie! I’m HOT – thousands of boys said so!

As a Type A personality and a Taurus, I love when control is on my side in any situation. Quite honestly, Tinder Gold gave me the option to either do the swiping with men who kind of had a head start. They had already started to show interest. I was already batting well! I could always swipe through everyone in my area like normal where men might not always swipe right on me.

The Types of Guys You Meet on Tinder Gold

Way-Too-Sexual Dude

If that’s what you’re looking for, more power to you! Sex between two consenting adults is cool! I can confidently say, however, CHILL. There’s always a guy that says something borderline vulgar as a pick up line. Where’s the punchline? Do humans do this in real life?

You can see I’ve heard this one before… eye roll.

Big rule of thumb: If someone makes you REALLY uncomfortable on a dating app, report them! Tinder and other apps have safeguards so that you can report people who are making you feel unsafe. In fact, they even ask people if they want to send these types of messages before they send them by identifying key words. If you wouldn’t say it to their actual face, don’t say it through text. If your spicy message would not be something you said during actual spicy time. I wouldn’t Tinder message it. That goes for like every time you pick up your phone, actually.

GIF Guy

Yes, there is an awesome tool for you to add a GIF. There is also a GIF for every single thing you could ever say on the planet. However, I do not want to figure out if you’re a decent human through various Office GIFs.

BIG rule of thumb: A properly placed GIF is hilarious. Sometimes, they’re literally all you need to say to get 100% of the point across. There are certain ones that simply cement you as the funniest human in the chat.

The Ghost

We’ve all been there and we’ve all done that. As much as I wish I haven’t been the ghoster, I ABSOLUTELY have. As I’ve talked to some people, grown up, and dated around, I realized that the fear of saying, “Hey, I’m not really feeling it,” is actually not as severe as I thought. Even if you feel like the jerk in the situation, communicating that you’re not really interested saves people from the self confidence stab & makes you the bigger person!

Big rule of thumb: You don’t owe anyone an expectation of what you’re doing in the name of romance, sex, or friendship. You have to do what’s right for you. Sometimes, that means kind of removing yourself from triggering or tempting situations for a while with no notice to the other parties. If you’ve ever been ghosted, remind yourself that it has nothing to do with you and more to do with the person doing the ghosting!

Mr. “I’m Not Like Other Guys”

I’m not here to say that all guys are the same. This blog proves that. As humans, gravitate toward partners that fulfill certain needs for us and attract us in specific ways. To say that the guys you’re pulling have some similarities wouldn’t be out of left field. Saying you’re not like the other dudes and actually not being like them are two very different things. Life has made me realize that you need to listen to people’s actions – those who want to be with you will, those who want to talk to you will, and those who want to make time for you will! 

Rule of thumb: If you state that the reason you’re on Tinder is because of a “crazy” ex, you might as well wave a red flag in all your photos. We all have exes that might have a little screw loose – there’s definitely a time and place or you to tell us the things that didn’t work about previous partners, especially if it’s something you see present again. No one, men or women, wants to think that they’re next in line to get called the “crazy one” if things don’t work out!

The *Actual* Sweetie Pie

Every so often, you’ll find a true gem that doesn’t embody any of the categories from above. They’re not cheating on their partner. They might not be looking for a spouse, but their intentions are pretty clear from the get-go. This can also be applied to the guys who are straight-forward about what they’re feeling (and not feeling) at appropriate times.

Rule of thumb: Everyone is human. We all have flaws and parts of us that we consider a “work in progress”. That being said, Tinder is an app and this is online dating. Please be careful before disclosing anything about yourself or before meeting up with people! Someone can be a sweetie pie on the app but totally opposite in person. Trust yourself, trust your judgement, and trust people’s actions!

Are you on dating apps? Would you try Tinder Gold? Tell me your experience at any of my socials below!

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Ep #9: Slenderman vs. Mischief Night Show Notes

Welcome to the episode 9 show notes of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to explain a topic we previously researched. This week, we take a deeper dive into how the dark web with Slenderman. We lighten it up with Mischief Night & the fun little pranks it has to do with! Do you know either of these?

Slenderman

Photo 1:

The image of Slenderman that we as a society imagine

Photo 2:

One of the images made for the original Photoshop thread

Photo 3:

Images from the Waukesha Wisconsin Slenderman Stabbing

Photo 4:

“Slenderman” that was caught on surveillance in South Carolina

Slenderman Citations:

Mischief Night

Photo 1:

Mischief Night is marked with some harmless pranks like TPing houses – have you ever done it?

Photo 2:

Some people call it “Cabbage Night”

Photo 3:

What people call October 30th based on their location in the US

Photo 4:

Mischief Night Citation:

Thanks so much for listening and supporting Wanna Match Podcast! You can find show notes for other episodes right here. Have an idea for a podcast? Email us at WannaMatchPod@gmail.com!

You can also follow us on all the socials to interact with podcast related content throughout the week! We’re @WannaMatchPod on Instagram, Twitter, and Tik Tok! Rate, review, and subscribe wherever you’re listening – it really helps us out!

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Ep #8: Zombie Snails vs. Jack o Lantern Show Notes

Welcome to the episode 8 show notes of Wanna Match Podcast! A podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to explain a topic they previously researched. This week, we talk all things creepy crawly and fall-related! Sydney makes soup, the gang visits a pumpkin patch, and Emily gets ring worm? Try and understand zombie snails and jack o lanterns with us!

Zombie Snails

Photo 1:

A cartoon image of the process of snails obtaining their eventual killers.

Photo 2:

The two broodsacs that pulse in order to attract birds

Zombie Snails Citation:

Jack o Lantern

Photo 1:

The density of pumpkin growth in America

Photo 2:

The lore behind the Jack o Lantern is based on “Jack” who walked around with a turnip lantern for all eternity

Photo 3:

Some crazy submissions for pumpkin carving contests and fall art festivals all over!

Just for Fun Photo!

Here are OUR Jack o’ Lanterns that we created with our friends. We tagged everyone on the IG – go check out who the artist is behind each pumpkin creation!

Jack o Lantern Show Notes

Thanks so much for your support in Wanna Match Podcast! Check out more show notes here. As always, if you have ideas for a podcast, you can email them to WannaMatchPod@gmail.com!

Rate, review, and subscribe wherever you’re listening – it really helps us out! Follow us on socials for constant content and matching comedy – @wannamatchpod on Instagram, Twitter, and Tik Tok!

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Creative Halloween Costumes from Outside the Box!

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again – I’m here for a theme. We host a lot of themed parties and dinners. Themed movie marathons are something my friends are familiar with and Halloween is a big ordeal. Every year my friends and I have a mission of making some creative Halloween costumes! Check out these costumes that were past favorites of Evan of Wear Evs and mine!

Britney Spears

A Britney Spears costume is perfect if you’re in a place that’s typically cold for Halloween, you have long blonde hair to take advantage of, and you don’t mind taking a body suit off to pee!

What You’re Going to Need:

I made this cute little image with the things that I actually used for this outfit right here!

  • All Red Jumpsuit – I got mine on Amazon. They had lots of options.
  • Headset mic – We had one at home from our desktop computer days. They’re available online in costume form & at thrift stores!
  • Light Blue Eyeshadow – I did a light blue and white mixture! I also did ridiculously white highlight and thin brows!
  • Long, straight blonde hair with thick part – I was lucky to have done this for most of my middle school years LOL. Wigs are also a great option!

Star Boy

Evan dressed up as Star Boy from The Weeknd song! So cool! Almost all of the clothing on Wear Evs is thrifted – eco friendly, financially savvy, and one of a kind! I’ve linked some things that you can directly here!

What You’re Going To Need:

  • Star sunglasses
  • Blazer – One that you don’t mind painting or bedazzling with stars!
  • Star jewels (& maybe some lash glue?)
  • Star jewelry for extra zazz

Stanley Yelnats from Holes

In pandemic time, I dressed up at home as Stanley Yelnats. It was easy and so funny! I made a guide of all the things I used right here.

What You’re Going to Need:

  • Classic orange jumpsuit or orange pants
  • White “dirty” undershirt – I bronzer to make it look like my shirt was stained from digging holes all day with a white shirt… they really didn’t think that through.
  • Shoes – Stanley had “stolen shoes” to get sent to Camp Greenlake so this is just funny.
  • Waterjug – Everyone has a milk jug with their name on it. Stanley = Caveman.
  • Red hat – Obviously, I had acmes to a Wisconsin Hat. Plain red hats are so easy to find though!
  • Special guest, Nala, the yellow-spotted lizard – I got her costume on Amazon as well!

Beetlejuice

Evan also went as Beetlejuice. SO cute and so fun! it’s not something you see all the time at all!

What You’re Going to Need:

  • Striped shirt
  • Halloween makeup
  • White/Bleach blonde hair – Evan was really rocking bleached hair in these days and it looked sick!
  • Black pants

TikTok-Era Ke$ha

There’s definitely a difference between going as Ke$ha when she was brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack versus “Praying”-era Kesha. I went as the party girl Ke$ha not too long ago. It was cold, but something I got to be really creative with. Use what I used by following this link!

Should have had a bottle of Jack Daniels…SIGH!

What You’re Going To Need:

  • Edgy looking tank – I got mine at Forever21! It also has an open back, but I live in Wisconsin!
  • Fringe shorts, Cut jeans, Sequin Spanks – I wore a pair of Spanx that I had from dance. Paired with the oversized tank it was definitely the level of sexy and edgy that Ke$ha rocks!
  • Dark tights – I got mine at Target and made the holes myself! It was an added layer of warmth, but it was also a Ke$ha staple under jeans, shorts, and bodysuits!
  • Combat Boots – Sexy and edgy was the name of Ke$ha’s game! I had amazing combat boots that I wore all the time anyways! If they have studs, even better!
  • Messy makeup – I used a liquid eyeliner to do the melting look that she has on the “Take It Off” single cover! Then, you can use some loose sparkles too!

Vincent Van Gogh

If you have a super artist friend, you can go as a classic painting or painter! Evan and a friend went as Vincent van Gogh and Starry Night – it was so cool!

What You’re Going to Need:

  • Blazer – Make it look like the blazer is painted with fabric paint or acrylic! Again, thrifting this so that you can make it a costume piece is a great idea.
  • Makeup/Body Pain – Make sure that it’s safe for your face!!
  • (Optional) A Partner – Evan went with another artist friend who were able to create Starry Night! So cool and so creative if you have a friend or significant other you need to steal the show with.

Do you have a creative Halloween costume that was a big hit? Send it to me on any of the socials below! Big thanks to Wear Evs for being a constant supporter of the blog. Go check out his Instagram for thrifted fashion trends and massive closet sales! Also, check out this COOL event Evan put together for his job! I’ll be posting all about!

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Ep #7: Trick or Treating vs. The Exorcist Show Notes

Welcome to another episode of ,Wanna Match Podcast – it’s a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to explain a topic that we previously researched! We have a plant in progress update!! That’s right before we jump into Trick or Treating vs. The Exorcist!

Trick or Treating

Photo 1:

“soul cakes” given to the poor people in around 1000 AD

Photo 2:

Trick or Treating as a family affair in the 1970s

Photo 3:

Trunk or Treats and Trick or Treating as community outreach events

Photo 4:

The edibles that were confiscated as part of a “drug-laced Halloween candy” investigation. The owner even admitted that they were going to be for personal, recreational use.

Trick or Treating Citations

The Exorcist

Photo 1:

Photo 3:

Amazing actors from the film!

Photo 3:

Face put into random frame of the movie to add subconscious fear

Photo 4:

Linda Blair as Reagan McKnight… creepy AF

Photo 5:

Opening scene of the movie was actually shot in the Middle East where there were some delays!

The Exorcist Show Notes

We want to know what you think about the episodes! Connect with us on social media to interact and give us feedback. We’re @WannaMatchPod on Twitter, Tik Tok, and Instagram! More show notes can be found here.

Rate, review, and subscribe wherever you listen! It really helps us out! Have an idea for a podcast? Email it to us at WannaMatchPod@gmail.com!

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Ep #6: Crop Circles vs. Fall Astrology Show Notes

Welcome back to another episode of Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends, Emily and Sydney, come together, match, and try to explain a topic that they previously researched. This week we chat about Crop Circles and Fall Astrology (and kind of astronomy).

Crop Circles

Photo 1:

A crop circle with an intricate design

Photo 2:

A bunch of crop circles are found here, suspiciously

Photo 3:

The biggest crop circle ever found

Photo 4:

Scientist, Terence Meaden, a leading force behind the wind causing the crop circles theory

Photo 5:

Little cuties that got intoxicated and made their own crop circles in New Zealand

Photo 6:

The Ley Lines which happen to cross where crop circles are more frequent

Photo 7:

An old newspaper clipping talking about crop circles

Photo 8:

The guys behind most of the known crop circles. Pranksters!!! HA!

Crop Circle Citations:

Fall Astrology

It’s unclear whether Emily knows the difference between astrology and astronomy. We definitely find ourselves in the tornado after the match. Nevertheless, we get into it!

Photo 1:

Photo 2:

Harvest Moon festival (left) and Higan (right)

Photo 3:

Some notable Virgos! Including our friend, Katie, of course!

Photo 4:

Some notable Libras, including our friend Olivia!

Photo 5:

Scorpios you might know and our favorite Scorpio, Nick!

Fall Astrology Citations

As always, we love to hear what you think about the episode! Send an email to WannaMatchPod@gmail.com to share your thoughts or request a topic! Rate, review, and subscribe wherever you’re listening – it really helps us out! More show notes for other episodes can be found here.

Connect with us on socials to get the whole experience! We’re @WannaMatchPod on Instagram, Twitter, and Tik Tok!

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Ep #5: Dr. William Frankland vs. Vampire Bats Show Notes

We’re back with another fall-themed podcast of Wanna Match Podcast! This week, we cover Dr. William Frankland, an allergist from God above. After having a close call with some bats in our neighborhood, Sydney tells us all about vampire bats. They’re scary.

Dr. William Frankland

Photo 1:

A young William Frankland and the medical school he attended

Photo 2:

The pollen farm that Dr. Wlliam Frankland started and learned a lot from. It would eventually lead to the pollen chart. The pollen chart that I showed Sydney of our era.

Photo 3:

Fleming and the development of penicillin

Photo 4:

The many awards and dedications to Dr.William Frankland and his work in the allergy field!

Dr. William Frankland Citations:

Vampire Bats

Photo 1: It’s the fingers for us!

Bats with their fingers and the folds in their wings. Again, scary.

Photo 2:

Sometimes, they get ice stuck to their little bodies like this.

Photo 3:

Bats can be absolutely giant…like this.

Photo 4:

They can also be really small and fit on one finger. It’s kinda cute.

Photo 5:

Types of vampire bats

Photo 6:

Distribution of vampire bats in Latin America and South America

Photo 7:

The skeleton of a vampire bat that shows the claws they use to move themselves when they’re not flying.

Vampire Bats Citation:

So, what’s your bat story? We know you have one! You can check out all the other show notes from previous episodes here.

Connect with us on social media: @WannaMatchPodcast on everything! Have an idea for a podcast? Email it to us at wannamatchpod@gmail.com!

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Ep #4: Lost Colony of Roanoke vs. The Pendle Witch Trials

The first of many fall episodes of Wanna Match Podcast is officially here! This week, we tackle some big (and infamous) topics of The Lost Colony of Roanoke and The Pendle Witch Trials! Emily is clearly a skeptic the whole time, but what else is knew?!

Listen to the latest Wanna Match here:

The Lost Colony of Roanoke

Syd kicks off this episode with the mysterious tale of the Lost Colony of Roanoke. Emily can’t be convinced that it was a real thing. So, what really happened to Roanoke? Is Emily right to be skeptical?

Photo 1:

Trees found (now recreated) in the area where Roanoke was believed to have once been.

Photo 2:

Raleigh (left) and John White (right)

Photo 3:

A map of where Roanoke was believed to be and where John White was constantly trying to get back to

Lost Colony of Roanoke Citation

The Pendle Witch Trials

We knew you’d be expecting the Salem Witch Trials. Who are we if not extra?! Emily kicks off the second half of the episode with a deep dive into the Pendle Witch Trials – the UK counterpart that we need to know about!

Photo 1: The Area

Pendle Hill in Lancashire

Photo 2: Family Tree

The family trees of the two families mainly involved in the Pendle Witch Trials. You might want to keep this one on you while you listen. Why are they all named the same thing?!

Photo 3:

Locations of the two trials

Photo 4:

The tourist industry that has really blossomed since the Pendle Witch Trials in the area

Photo 5:

The graveyard where Old Chattox was said to be seen desecrating graves in search of bones

Photo 6:

400 years later, a 1612 was made on Pendle Hill as well as people dressed as witches climbing to the top in effort to break a record!

Pendle Witch Trials Citation

Happy Fall, ya’ll! We’re excited to share one of our favorite times of year with you. In honor of the season, you’ll be hearing lots if fall-related topics that we chose to research! Let us know what you think! As always, you can check out other show notes here

Have an idea for a podcast? Email us at wannamatchpod@gmail.com! Connect with us on socials to interact with our content every single day!

.

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Ep #3: The Real Avengers vs. The National Spelling Bee

Welcome back to another episode of Wanna Match Podcast! A podcast where two best friends, Sydney and Emily, come together, match, and try to explain obscure topics that we previously researched. This week we cover The Real Avengers and The National Spelling Bee Sydney’s ears turn off and admits she’s not a Marvel fan. Emily tries to spell some words and DOESN’T do well.

The Real Avengers

Little did we know, the Avengers is not just part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. They were also assassins that sought out to avenge the Jewish population after the genocide enacted by Nazi soldiers. Emily jumps into it for the first part of the episode.

Photo 2: Fall of Germany, Rise of The Avengers

The Fall of the Third Reich signaled a change in all of Europe and a time to rebuild for most. This group (pictured above) emerged as assassins for the remaining known Nazis and Nazi sympathizers

Photo 2:

the Schutzstaffel and their flag

Photo 3: Abba Kovner

Abba Kovner, the poet and writer who’s rhetoric really influenced The Avengers

Photo 4:

Nuremburg Prison & The whole where poison was kept to poison the bread found years later.

Photo 5:

Some of the known Avengers, Yehuda Meimon is quoted in the episode after being interviewed by a reporter 70 years later.

Citations for The Real Avengers

The National Spelling Bee

Sydney takes on the second part of the episode with her topic, National Spelling Bees! We already know that you have a triggering spelling bee story, so tell us on socials what your “out” word was!

Photo 1:

The Scripps National Spelling Bee logo

Photo 2: Edith

The youngest National Spelling Bee was a five year old named Edith

Photo 3:

8 kids won the grand prize and split the champion title

Test Your Friends Spelling Ability:

Clearly, Emily would not be a champion. Test these words out on your friends to see how they’d do:

National Spelling Bee Citation

Connect with us on all the socials below and tell us your spelling bee horror story! Have an idea for a podcast? Email us at WannaMatchPod@gmail.com to make a suggestion!

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AD | Simple Addiction’s Must Have Capris

*This is a sponsored post. Items in this post have been paid for by SimpleAddiction for the purpose of this blog.

Ya’ll know I’m a athleisure fan. When I get married, we might need to visit the idea of everyone wearing their nicest pair of joggers, rather than things that are tight, hot, and uncomfy. I was approached by Simple Addiction to try out their Capri Pocket Leggings. What do you know? I have some things to say!

Here’s What I Got:

SA Exclusive Dark Olive Capri Pocket Leggings

Here’s What I Thought:

Capri Pocket Leggings

These leggings are literally amazing for relaxing, yoga, or low-impact workouts. I know that I’m great with my words, but I can’t accurately describe how soft they are. Because they don’t have a spandex feel, they don’t suck you in too hard or leave you with tight seem lines!

I went with their “curvy” option on the website, but might have been able to size down if I wanted pairs with tighter fits! I paired mine with a cute crop that spice up the casual look a little! I’ve learned that pockets are an absolute must for me. There’s consistently too much in my hands to have leggings without pockets anymore! If you’re looking for casual leggings this fall, these are a great option!

SA Exclusive Charcoal Soild Capri Pocket Leggings! Photo by: E.Mac Photography

Harem Pants

These are some of the best pants I have for a comfy/cute look! Again, they’re softer than I can put into words which is never a bad thing! I chose the navy ones because I have so much that compliments that color, but I will be buying more colors. They’re also adorable with a crop, but look extra cozy with a long cardigan or flannel to tie it all together! I also have paired my Harem pants with a body suit and would highly recommend!

It’s So Cheap!

If you hate how these clothes look on me, that’s fine! It’s rude, but it’s fine! You can try your size, style, or pattern of Simple Addiction for so cheap. Most of the things that I got were under $10.00 a piece. My entire order? Under $50! That’s crazy when it comes to shopping for anything – let alone comfy leggings!

Tag me in your SA Exclusive Capri Pocket Leggings or anything else you pick up from SimpleAddiction.com! I’ll share some of my favorite fashion inspo on my socials!

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Ep #2: Cheating in Sports vs. Dodgeball Show Notes

Welcome back to Wanna Match Podcast! It’s a podcast where two best friends get together, match, and then try to understand an obscure topic that we recently researched. In this episode, we chat about a chopstick in a plant, what “the tornado” is, and give you a little singing action! That’s before we even get into our topics of Cheating in Sports and Dodgeball!

Cheating in Sports

Sydney kicks off the episode with a deep dive into “Cheating in Sports”. You know what they say, “Cheaters never winner.”

Photo 1:

Ben Johnson (1981)

Photo 2: Thick Thighs Save Lives!!

Ben Johnson (1988)

Photo 3: He’s a runner, he’s a track star.

100 Meter dash Final in the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, Korea

Photo 4:

1919 Black Sox with the players involved in losing the World Series

Cheating in Sports Citations

Dodgeball

Emily takes the baton (see what I did there??) for her topic of dodgeball. We chat about how we started this weird sport all of us love to play in gym class.

Photo 1: Dodge a wrench and a ball!

The Dodgeball we know and love that came out in 2004

Photo 2:

James H. Carlisle, the missionary who moved dodgeball from Africa to England. Specifically, he brought it to St. Mary’s college in 1884.

Photo 3: The Court

The official Court dimensions for Elite Dodgeball game!

Photo 4: Guiness World Record

Largest recorded game of dodgeball was played at UC California by over 6,000.

Dodgeball Citations

We had soooooo much fun recording this episode (as you can tell from the break we had to take). Thank you so much for listening and reading along with us!

Have an idea for a podcast? Email us at wannamatchpod@gmail.com! Also, connect with us on the socials below to interact directly with us!

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The 5 Best Ways to Support Friends with Mental Illness

At a recent therapy session I was asked, “Who do you have in your corner? Who can you count on to always support you?” I was overwhelmed by this question. There’s a lot of names that come to my mind: family, friends, and coworkers. Knowing that having a dedicated support system is something that some in my shoes do not, I was able to easily name people who I know will always be there. The people in my life do quite a bit to be allies in my mental health journey. There are a couple of ways my friends have supported me and my mental illness that I aim to do with all my relationships!

Ways to Support Your Friends with Mental Illness

Everyone’s mental illness and mental health needs are different. First off, this is not a one size fits all. I’m also NOT a mental health professional, doctor, or therapist. There’s nothing about this blog that is medical advice – only sharing what has been a huge benefit in my own life!

Number 1: Communicate!

The darkest part of my mental health journey was accompanied with pushing away those I loved most. I felt like a burden on their happiness because I wasn’t happy. One thing that really benefitted me was my best friends always communicating with me, even when it was really hard. I credit my friend, Taylor, for saving my life because when I stopped communicating she continued asking questions, encouraging me, and reaching out to my parents when things got scary.

It can be really hard to verbalize all the things going on in your mind when you’re struggling. However, knowing that you have someone who won’t hate or judge can be an actual lifesaver.

Number 2: Normalize Conversations about Mental Health!

Half of American adults with major depressive disorder will go without treatment this year. We have a serious lack of mental health resources in this country. Those that we do have tend to be pricey and not realistic for the average American. People also avoid getting treatment because of the stigmas that surround all mental illnesses. Emotional and mental health are just as important as physical health. No one is embarrassed to talk about their broken arm; we have to approach mental illness in the same way!

If one of your friends is having a hard time coping with a diagnosis or difficult mental health period, normalize the convo! Being candid about your own mentality (even if you don’t suffer from mental illness) can open the floor for conversation. Also, when people know that their support system does occasional “mental health checks” they are much more likely to reach out in a time of emergency or serious need!

Number 3: Be Patient!

This blog, or millions of blogs, will not be enough to truly say how lucky I am with my support system. One thing I can never repay is the amount of patience that those around me have given in my rough times. Sometimes, those struggling can be the hardest to love. We’re angry, sad, happy, excited, depressed, numb, and every emotion in between. It’s hard to keep up with it all.

Roomie is a huge supporter of my mental health! Who’s yours?

Friends might flake, drop the ball, and be ugly towards you because of how they feel about themselves. I can confidently say it’s nothing to do with you. One of the hardest things you’ll ever do is continuing to invite, communicate, and encourage someone who is not reciprocating or acknowledging your time. It does, however, make a huge difference to those suffering so DON’T feel like it’s for nothing!

Number 4: Know Your Limits!

All of number 3 being said, you need to know your limits when it comes to other’s mental health and your own. Unless you’re a parent or guardian of a child, you’re never responsible for another human’s well-being. You, my friend, always need to make sure you’re healthy first!

In the past, I’ve had a serious problem with trying to take a lot of others’ mental health problems on my plate in order to avoid my own issues. If being an advocate for another’s mental health is causing you to go to a bad place, PLEASE STOP! You don’t do anyone any good when you’re also hurting.

Number 5: REPORT WHEN NECESSARY!

Again, I’m absolutely not a professional here… but when I say sometimes you need to report, I’ve never been more serious. Having friends who aide in your mental health journey can be a huge advantage, but it’s NOT a fix all. Everyone’s struggle is different. Personally, I’ve needed professional help, medicine, and my loved ones’ support to get through some of the hardest times in my depression and anxiety.

It took my friend “reporting” to really confirm to my parents that I needed professional help. Don’t be afraid to let someone know what’s going on in case of an emergency – it might cause tension at first, but it could save a life!

Thoughts? Story to share? Connect with me on my socials below!

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Normalizing The Jobs We Love

I’ve spent way too much time trying to describe what I do to people who don’t really care either way. That’s not supposed to be self-deprecating or a slight to me at all. Truly, it doesn’t matter what the day-to-day tasks of a “PR Strategist” are in the grand scheme of their lives; yet, I always go into detail talking about it. I lacked confidence in what I was doing for so long that I projected that onto those around me. In other words, I just assume that they think my job isn’t real. Stupid, I know. If there’s one thing I’ve learned through my early 20s & a global pandemic, it’s that paying the bills (in any way, shape, or form) & normalizing the jobs we love is pretty cool.

Call It A “Side Hustle”

I’ve worked at a restaurant for five years now. It’s been a huge source of my income throughout college and even after I graduated. Society made me feel like working as a server, bartender, or shift manager in the food service industry was almost embarrassing because of my education level. Expectations of our college graduates had me looking for jobs that didn’t sound remotely interesting because I couldn’t work in a restaurant

forever. 

I liked my job so much that I told my baby brother to work there too – so we’re roomies, coworkers, siblings, and friends. Crazy, right?

First off, I want to say that you can do whatever makes you happy for your whole life. You can serve, teach, write, coach, strip, or mine bitcoin if that’s what makes you happy and pays the bills. Who has the right to tell you otherwise? Second, working that restaurant job that I thought I had to move on from so quickly allowed me to fund my own business that was making absolutely NO money at first.

Knowing Your Worth

There’s a difference between doing what brings you joy and knowing your worth. Also, it’s important to understand that no matter what your education level, class, or financial standing, your time is worth money. Having a food service job has allowed me to price myself fairly in all aspects of my business. I have education and experience in this career, there is no reason that I should be making a larger hourly wage as a server. If that’s the case, find clients, brands, and businesses who will pay you FAIRLY!

I’m lucky that I really like both my jobs – I mean… I get paid to do skincare routines on Instagram. NORMALIZE DOING NONCONVENTIONAL AND FUN JOBS!

End Goal: Paying the Bills

I’ve always had a weird relationship with money. Even when I have a good amount of it saved, I want to know I have more constantly coming in. I want to be finding ways to increase my income streams. Watching two parents hustle for as long as I have, it’s part of my nature to just want to work really really hard for as long as humanly possible! 

The end goal, however, is always to pay the bills. Like millions of others in the United States, I have thousands of dollars in student loan debt that makes for a hefty bill each month. If I can have a business AND a restaurant job that alleviates some of the stress of that bill, why wouldn’t I? Paying your rent, filling your fridge, and treating yourself is nothing to turn your nose up to. Those who judge you for the way that you pay your bills probably aren’t the ones we want to be taking financial advice from. Am I right?

Normalizing the Jobs We Love

If you’re paying your bills, you’re doing pretty well. The fact that we turn up our nose at certain jobs or industries even though they’re what bring us joy seems silly. Unless those pushing you to be a lawyer are going to be paying your mortgage, they don’t really have a say in law school! 

If you need more proof, Giorgio Armani worked as a photographer’s assistant while on leave from the Italian military because he was obsessed with the art, fashion, and creativity aspect of life. He made $1.67 an hour but did what he loved and eventually paid WAY more than the bills (he’s worth $6.6 million dollars). Normalizing jobs we love isn’t a way of accepting average but realizing that we’re usually money magnets when we’re happy. 

Have something to share? Connect with me on any of my socials below!

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Not Your Barbie Girl

Recently, my roommate said something that I absolutely loved. “A lot of people that we look up to as ‘role models’ never asked for that. They were just really good at running, singing, or posting pics… so we decided they had to be role models,” she said. Until now, I didn’t really think about it. Of course, we want to be someone that others can look up to but does that risk our ability to be human, make mistakes, and live the life we want. Even though I put my life online, I’m not your barbie girl with the best answers or choices.

Potty Mouth Barbie

First things first, I’m a total potty mouth. If I feel like a sentence needs “fuck” in it, I will absolutely not be leaving it out. For a long time, I craved for my blog to be almost editorial; ready for a newspaper. I had an editor making grammar calls and changing sentence structure for a more intelligent sounding entry. In those moments, I really lost my voice and what I wanted my blog to feel like.

Editorial, perfected blogs are amazing, but I wanted my blog to feel like you were sitting down with a friend for drinks. I wanted the perfect middle ground between a Myspace post and a newspaper article. Part of that was allowing my writing to match my actual voice and being relatable in that way. So, I stopped censoring swear words and internet slang. I allowed myself to write in the way that I love and knew that the passion behind the words would bring the right audience to my website.

Do I want kids to drop the f-bomb in their papers? No. There’s a time and place for my style of writing (like a website that you own for an LLC that you pay for). Do I want my audience members to take all my words as law because I run a decently popular blog? Nope. I’m just trying to write about my experiences and relate to those who need it. Just let me write and speak, damn.

Party Girl Barbie

I was previously really nervous about posting photos/videos with alcohol in them. Truth is, though, I drink alcohol! I get drunk! Sometimes, I have too much, say stupid things, and stumble home at bar close. Sharing that, however, doesn’t mean I want my followers to drink, do drugs, or party.

I never claimed to be someone for the kids to look up to nor did I want others to see my Instagram photos and want to be me. Instead, I claimed to be someone who was willing to share my experiences with the world in hopes that someone can feel less alone. Obviously I hope that people read my blogs, like my photos, and interact with the content I’m creating, but it’s not the driving factor in my life. I know that my words, actions, and lifestyle do really relate to & entertain some people… it’s not my job to cater to the masses.

This brings up a larger conversation about people being raised, overwhelmingly affected, and easily influenced by those in the media. Sha’Carri Richardson will miss an opportunity to run at the Tokyo Olympics because she tested positive for marijuana. My feelings on those who vilify marijuana use is a story for a different blog. Sha’Carri never asked to be a role model; never claimed to be someone that young runners, women, or black girls should be looking up to. She was a good runner who wanted to go to the Olympics – why did that qualify her to teach the youth of America right from wrong?

Understanding My Responsibility

As someone who does have people following them and giving a shit about what I say, I have an inherent amount of responsibility. It’s my responsibility to be a kind, empathetic, and loving human being. When there are moments of injustice, it’s my responsibility to stand up for what’s right. 

While I might not have asked to be a role model, I understand that people do read my words and can be influenced by my actions. I want to be very, very clear here: I’m human. My social media presence is about confidence in who you are as a person, but it’s not a G-rated movie with a moral to present at the end. My words are for the person who needs the unapologetic & gritty truth about being an adult in the world we live in. It’s about seeing my mistakes and successes so that you can feel empowered to win and fail by yourself.

So, no, I’m not your Barbie girl. For those of you who don’t like that about me – no hard feelings! There are so many awesome content creators out there doing amazing things. Find the right one for you! Those of you who are here for all of this, thank you for your constant and overwhelming support!

Connect with me on my (sometimes NSFW) social media pages below!

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If I Had a Redo

I recently polled my followers to pick a topic for a blog. They seemed to want to know what I would do “If I Had a Redo” – which threw me through a bit of a loop. If you’ve never read EmyD Blog before, I typically like to find purpose in even the worst things. Seriously –  As someone with mental illness, sometimes seeing the silver lining is all that gets you through. That doesn’t mean, however, that I don’t have regrets, moments of embarrassment, and moments that I would change if I had a redo.

My Answer: College

A simple answer for you: college. I’ve thought about that a lot. All the things that I could have done, probably should have done, but didn’t because of the place that I thought should have been. I’m not here to throw shade at a 19 year old, EmyD. She had enough shit going on. I will, however, tell the things that I wish I did. So, if this blog finds itself on the screen of someone else who might have their true self invested all the way into someone else (or something else) they just might have the courage to take it all on solo. 

Redo 1: I would actually stay at college more!

I went to the University of Wisconsin – Madison. It’s about 40 minutes from my hometown. Throughout my freshman year, I had that drive so memorized I could have done it backward and blindfolded. A job in my hometown was my excuse to come home and see my high school boyfriend every weekend. “I needed to make money,” was the excuse I gave my dorm friends, as if we didn’t live in the state capital of Wisconsin and I wasn’t working at a chain restaurant. In actuality, I was just scared that he would forget about me if I was away for too long. 

Advice from EmyD

Take it from me, friends. If your partner forgets about you, they are not a good enough partner to keep around. Also, if you’re feeling insecure in your relationship enough to need it consistently validated, that’s a conversation that needs to be had. If you’re insecure in yourself that you think you can’t find better, that’s a conversation you need to have with you.

Redo 2: I wouldn’t have transferred!

Transferring did save me a ton of money (and probably mental breakdowns) but it was absolutely not a choice I would make again. At first, I would only tell people that I had transferred for the money aspect and because I was going to end up in law school anyways. In truth, I definitely transferred for a boy; for a relationship. We could both tell that our relationship was coming to an end and began to get desperate in our actions to save what we’d had since our freshman year of high school: moving in together, trying to raise a little puppy, and going to the same university. I still have two degrees and did the damn thing, but I wish it would have been at the better school I earned my way into. 

Advice from EmyD

If there’s one thing I want written on my grave, it’s “Do not change your dreams for your partner!” in the boldest font you can find. I’m serious. Having goals and dreams is really cool, someone that cares about you should want to support you to achieve them! Remember that you are NOT half waiting to be completed. You are a whole looking for someone to compliment your whole self! 

Redo 3: I would have broke it off, honey!

I was about halfway through my freshman year when my long term (and long distance) boyfriend cheated on me with a girl in his dorm. Did I swear off men for all eternity? Yes. Did I also take him back like two weeks later? Also, yes. My roommate was pissed. I chalked it up to her not liking me at the time, but now I realize that she was being a really good friend. The few and far between times that I did go out or go to meetings for things I was interested in I met a lot of cool guys that I really would have meshed with well. It almost always led to fights via text with the boyfriend. After our breakup, I started to realize that the only way I would heal my own negative inner dialogue was time alone. If I didn’t think I was worth someone faithful and kind, I would always turn back to him.

Advice from EmyD

At 19, I felt like I had to be as adult as I possibly could. I had to have a serious boyfriend and settle down as fast as possible. While life is short, you’ve gotta experience it. You should not waste a single ounce of your energy begging for someone’s love, attention, or friendship. You are always worthy of kindness. Even being alone is better than someone who doesn’t see that in another person. 

So, would I really redo it?

Yes. I know that reading this blog makes it seem like I hated years 18-22 of my life. That’s not true at all. I had some of the most amazing moments of my life in my college years. I wouldn’t trade them, or the people within them, for anything! However, there are certainly some parts of college that I would redo if I had the chance. There’s lessons that I absolutely had to learn so that 24 year old EmyD could write this for you today. The good, bad, beautiful, and ugly have all played a part in who I am now. 

What would you redo if you had the chance? Tell me on any of the socials below!

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My Experience: The Covid Vaccine

** This post may contain affiliate links which means I may receive a commission, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase through one of the links**

I’ve teamed up with Ad Council and Heartbeat to help people get informed about the COVID vaccine! As someone who’s fully vaccinated, it’s easy for me to encourage everyone I meet to also get the vaccine, but it’s so important to have accurate and timely information at your fingertips that are actually CDC-credited. My vaccine experience was really positive and the information from AdCouncil is still helpful over a month later!

My Experience: Dose One

I got my first dose in late March through work. The restaurant in which I work has a contract in which we deliver food to locations where COVID exposure is a possibility. Since we were working with front line workers and those being sponsored by the state, hospitals, nonprofits, etc. we were blessed to get vaccines relatively early compared to others in Wisconsin.

Other than waiting for a bit for my turn, my first dose was awesome! The only side effect that I had was a lot of muscle pain in my right arm. Other than that, I felt great! I had to wait 3 weeks for my second dose as I got the Pfizer vaccine.

My Experience: Dose Two

I went to the same place for dose number two. With so many people trying to get in for their second dose or finally get their first in Wisconsin, the pharmacy was popping to say the least! The turn around time of this one was actually much faster and easier. My experience with dose number two was also really great! To be honest with you, I felt like Superwoman when my pharmacist handed me the fully filled-out vaccine card.

I did experience some side effects with dose number two. Honestly, with everything I had been reading, I was expecting to feel like I was on my death bed. Instead, I felt really run down: sleepy & achey. It was almost like I had a bad 16 hour cold. Truly, that was it, 16 hours of aches and pains to be fully vaccinated.

Would I do it again?

Yes, in a heartbeat. I was extremely blessed to be able to quarantine with my family for most of the pandemic, so I got to see them. The pandemic, though, made me really value just a small get together (and a good dive bar…). I’ve been able to go out to eat without as much stress about contracting the virus and passing it on, seen my grandma, and finally been able to give hugs! Before getting my vaccine, I wasn’t always comfortable in these social situations or I’d at least feel guilty after.

Should you get it?

As your residential mental health & lifestyle blogger, I have absolutely zero credentials in telling you the benefits of getting vaccine versus remaining unvaccinated. However, I think that you should make the most informed decision you possibly can. Preferably, that decision would be made with with accurate and timely information from the Center of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). Check out AdCouncil’s website for important for you and your age group in terms of the COVID19 vaccine!

Wanna share your experience with me? Connect with me on one of the socials below or head to my ‘Work with Me‘ page!

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A Life Lesson from the Kentucky Derby

I’ll be honest. I don’t really follow the Kentucky Derby, nor do I really feel the need to gamble on that. I mean, how do we really know the horse just isn’t having a bad mental health day? What if they don’t want to run? Alright, I kid. You guys get the point though. This year, I heard that the winner has a pretty good story for those of us in need of a good life lesson.

The Background of Medina Spirit

Medina Spirit was as underdog as you can get when it comes to a big event like the Kentucky Derby. People will pay a pretty penny for the best bloodline of a horse that offers the best chance at winning the Derby. Media Spirit, however, was bought for only $1,000.00 – that’s cheap even for your everyday family horse!

The trainer that would eventually win with Medina Spirit, Bob Baffert, said the horse had “no fucking chance to win.” In fact, he was even pleasantly surprised that such a small and meager animal had made it to the Derby at all. He got on the horse expecting to beat by another horse in the competition.

My client, Lorraine Beato, just made an awesome post about this – check it out below:

The Win

To everyone’s surprise, the small horse purchased for one thousand dollar started in the lead and maintained it through the finish line. Medina Spirit’s worth became $1.85 million dollars on May 1st, 2021 despite even his trainer’s thoughts. 

So, What’s the Life Lesson Here?

There were a lot of people betting against Medina Spirit – literally. There were millions of dollars put on other horses in the race purely because of the horse’s size, muscle mass, and background. Still, the horse ran. The person they depended on most, their trainer, said they had no chance. Still, the horse ran.

There are going to be times in life where the people that we want validation from the most are our biggest naysayers. We still are going to have to run. People are going to scream hatred because of what our bodies look like, what our minds can do, and what our past has been made up of. Still, we must run.

It’s not for the people in the stands or the trainer. The others who raced against you will want to flex that they know you and your story. Running forward despite the setbacks, however, is for you. It’s to prove that the only person on this entire planet that can really set your worth is you. If you choose to show up as a $1.85 race horse, then the world will know you by literally nothing else.

Short and sweet. What are you going to do to show up and set your worth this week? Connect with my on my socials above!

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Don’t Pop My Bubble!

2021 has been the year of the boundary. Well, it’s been a work in progress, but that’s the overarching goal of this year. Last year, everyone was put through the ringer when the world practically stopped turning overnight. Everyone is still wading into “real life” that it’s hard to have goals, be productive, and set healthy boundaries. I’m really moving forward with the mindset that I have a bubble that should never be popped – not for friends, followers, or family. Allowing myself to have boundaries that keep me comfortable and aware of my own mental health is necessary to be the best possible version of myself that I want to present to myself. So, whatever you do, don’t pop my bubble!

Healthy Boundaries at Work

As most of you know, I’m my own boss. It comes with a huge pile of advantages, but also has some disadvantages that go hand-in-hand. For a person who’s a little fixated on control and success, like me, working from home can be really toxic. I’ve been known to wake up and do a couple hours of work in the middle of the night. I can’t get myself to sleep without feeling more productive when my head hits the pillow.

This year, I’ve started to set some boundaries when it comes to working. For one, I’ve stopped lowballing myself, my experience, and my time. I was creating contracts for people for a couple hundred dollars a month that would go for thousands if I was at a private PR agency. Stepping away from corporate life was my choice, but it doesn’t mean that my experience or education level is different from my counterparts!

I started to charge closer to an industry average. When it gets to be too late, I’m only on social media of my own for pleasure, rather than work. Physically, I outlined what I do (or what I expect to do for work) so that I had an extremely clear answer when someone approached me for work. All of my contracts were rewritten and rephrased to have more boundaries like: times in which I can be available, hours I’ll work, and other contingencies I just didn’t have.

When I Didn’t Fit, I Left!

My clients were all really receptive and appreciative of these boundaries. Not only did they benefit me, but they clearly defined my role in their business as well. Prior to this year, I was so concerned about making my business a success that I would stay in contracts that might not have fit what I envisioned my role being with EmyD. After creating these boundaries, I fulfilled contracts and then professionally stepped away when I felt that I wasn’t a good fit for the position, rather than forcing myself into the position!

Healthy Boundaries Online

I’ve written a blog about sharing online already. You’ll definitely come across some bloggers that find a lot of comfort in sharing their story online and hitting publish (like me!) You’ll also, however, find bloggers who don’t produce a lot of super personal content. Is either one better? Absolutely not. Blogs fulfill the needs of those writing them and those reading them, so what’s your cup of tea might not be mine! 

This year, I’ve realized the need for even more boundaries online as my following grows and more blogs are written. I’ve had followers find my personal number and send me sexually explicit images and texts. I’ve had people call me just to “talk”. It’s made me feel unsafe and a little icky. Though most people are very receptive when I express this, I have to constantly emphasize that though I may speak about mental health, it’s not healthy for me to take others’ mental health issues onto myself. I’ve had to clearly draw the line between “influencer” and my real life. Without it, I felt like I was living just to take photos and share them with people I didn’t know. Life was starting to feel catered to social media, which I never want to happen.

Healthy Boundaries with Loved Ones

You all know I’m an empath through and through. Breathing a little differently in my presence could cause me to ask you what’s wrong…even if nothing is. This is also thanks to a little friend I call anxiety, which makes me rethink the words and actions I have for what feels like forever. The lack of boundaries when it came to loved ones was starting to drive me a little crazy though. 

This year, I’ve been really trying to only spend my time and energy on what makes me feel good. That includes the people in my life. For so long, I was terrified of being alone and friendless that I wouldn’t speak up if I felt mistreated or upset. Recently, I’ve realized that I would rather be completely alone than feel upset in a group.

Being social doesn’t just happen everyday for me. Listening to my body and mind about whether I actually WANT to get on the Zoom or go to drinks has been life changing. It’s made me feel a lot more autonomy over my body. Also, when I do see my loved ones, its really really great because I feel good about being there!

Mindset to Help with This

Creating a bubble between you and the people you love is difficult! But, in order for you to be a great friend, sibling, boss, coworker, or whatever else you are, you need to advocate for yourself! One mindset that has really been getting me through is “If someone is mad at me or upset with me, it’s none of my business until they tell me”. It’s one of the first things you learn in Jen Sincero’s “You Are a Badass”!

It’s much easier said than actually implemented. Those of us with anxiety, however, it can really benefit making boundaries and sticking to them when it comes to advocating for yourself! If someone is unwilling to address a problem with you and validate your boundaries, why would you spend any amount of time thinking about it?! Remember, though, the same goes for your loved ones from you! If you’re unwilling to advocate for your boundaries or speak up about your problems, don’t expect them to spend anytime thinking about it!

The Takeaway

Boundaries are really really cool. As a society, we’ve started to think that social media, television, or gossip is the all-access pass into someone else’s life. At the end of the day, though, we all deserve to feel safe and calm in our own thoughts. Take it from someone who has told the whole Internet what her mental health chart says. Allowing yourself a healthy space so that you can feel autonomy, comfort, safety is essential. Boundaries make you a better person all around and much more empathetic when people are in need of you! So, I’ll say it again, don’t pop my bubble!

Trying to set boundaries? I want to hear about them! Connect with me on any of my socials!

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Sunlight’s Effects on Mental Health

The sun has been shining in Wisconsin for the last week or so and I have been in a really good mood. Not only that, but I’ve been full of energy, ready to work, and productive when I’m awake! There is snow still piled up outside and it hasn’t passed the 40 degree Farenheit mark, but it feels more like July than February over here! I started to wonder why this part of the year makes an annual dramatic shift in my day to day life. Clearly, the sunshine helps a lot, but what are the benefits of sunlight on mental health?

Not Sunlight, Actually Vitamin D

Though sunlight feels really good on your face after a long winter and brings out those cute freckles, it’s not actually sunlight doing all the hard work. It’s Vitamin D! It’s fairly common to have a slight Vitamin D deficiency. According to Healthline, nearly 42% of adults aren’t getting the right amount of Vitamin D. These small deficiencies can lead to depression, lack of sleep, and issues with eating. Big deficiencies can actually end up causing larger skeletal problems and mineralization in your bones.

I’ve been taking a Vitamin D supplement for some time at the advice of my doctor. But, why is this one vitamin so powerful? What does it do for mental health overall?