Tag: bodypositivity

Weight Does Not Equal Health

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While at the gym, I started to think about how everyone around me was doing something different. Not only that, but they’re all in different places in their lives, their exercise journey, and their physical capabilities. While we have a “type” that we’ve grown to think are “healthy and fit”, we were all at the gym doing what we needed to do for our bodies at that moment. Weight does not equal health. It doesn’t equal your mile time or how much you bench. In fact, the way you look doesn’t determine your health to anyone, despite what we’ve all been taught in this world.

Let’s Talk Elliptical

Jenna Marbles has a Youtube video from forever ago where she talks about getting judged at the gym (which I just found out is deleted :/). While she was going slow on her elliptical, a girl going much faster was giving all sorts of condescending looks. She didn’t know, however, that Jenna had her resistance on the highest setting which gave her a different exercise altogether. A workout that works for one body doesn’t work for another. Some people have injuries or medical conditions that make even moving certain muscles difficult in the first place! The way you’re working out has nothing to do with your health level.

Let’s Talk Fitness Clothing Culture

Athleisure is not only the trend, but also the bulk of my personal closet. Even though I have a million pairs of leggings, I truly do not feel like I can have enough. For so long, the fitness industry has made athleisure for a certain group of people. Those who might have a couple extra inches in any part of their body don’t have athletic clothes that fit them properly or provide support when doing anything strenuous. Brands that I love for pre-workout, protein, or workout gear often only go up to a size XL. It’s confusing, considering the average clothing size of a woman in the US is 14, but trends to size 16-18. Even if you are within the XS-XL size range, you might have broad shoulders, a large chest, strong thighs, or short legs that make shopping for fitness clothing difficult. 

Let’s Talk Looks

By looking at me, you wouldn’t guess that I swam competitively for 8 years. Even now, I can swim laps around people that are considered much fitter and healthier than I. It’s the way that I’ve moved my muscles and how I’ve conditioned my body. Morgan Stickney is a double amputee and professional swimmer. Her fastest 400m Freestyle time as a Paraolympic swimmer is only one minute of the world record time. Without legs, she’s swimming faster than a large majority of the world.

This is an example of an amazing athlete overcoming a physical obstacle. Though not as extreme, the same could be said for the people around you at the gym. You’d be surprised what people can accomplish when you stop placing societal exceptions on them.

Let’s Wrap It Up

The way someone looks does not equate to their health. The way that my stomach looks in a sports bra does not mean that I don’t work out, or that I don’t workout correctly, or even that I’m unhealthy. Unless you’re my doctor with my medical chart in front of you, don’t assume things you don’t know!

Obesity has so many causes. Though being overweight has health risks, it’s important to understand health is not a one size fits all. Encouraging people to love their body isn’t condoning unhealthy lifestyle habits. In fact, loving your body allows you to move, stretch, exercise, and pamper yourself like you need!

Want to talk body positivity? Connect with me on the socials below!

Acne At 23 Years Old

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I don’t know which beauty guru God I pissed off, but I’ve been having some serious cystic acne in these big breakouts throughout the pandemic. Acne has never really been a huge problem for me – I swam competitively for years which effectively burned every skin cell on my face. My hair too. The years when everyone else was struggling, I skated by pretty easily. Now, though, I’m feeling the pain because I’m getting acne at 23.

My Skin Type

 should probably tell you that I have combination to oily skin depending on the time of year. I get greasy pretty quickly. Finding a setting spray that actually keeps my makeup from melting off has been a work in progress that I’m still not totally confident in. 

I’m also a picker. Big surprise here: I’ve got some crazy anxiety that manifests itself in some hand fixations. While other people smoke or pop their gum, I’ve always been that annoyance that clicks the pens, picks, and cracks my knuckles. It’s not at all cute. On the brightside, it’s made me a very quick typer and therefore, a good content creator. Conversely, it makes healing blemishes a little difficult.

Stop Obsessing…PLEASE!

I feel like I’ve tried everything when it comes to healing my skin. It’s so cliche to have a big zit that makes you not want to go out in public, but I’m going through that as a full-blown adult! A respiratory pandemic that required masks has made it easier to literally mask some of the acne, but not the annoying (and painful) forehead breakouts. 

Men and women who have struggled with body dysmorphia or self consciousness in some form or another can understand what I mean when I say I’m very aware of myself. I am aware of the space I take up, the vibe I give off, and the cystic zit that sits right at my hairline. Like I’ve said before, the odds of anyone having the time or energy to care about the size of your forehead zit during a Target run. 

Just like with everything in life, the moment your mindset shifts from obsession over the ugliness and hatred for the natural things happening on your face to action or self care is when things start to change. 

Healing Time!

Considering that most of my generation gets their skincare advice from strangers on Tik Tok, I’ve come to the conclusion that I can’t possibly be the only experiencing frequent breakouts along with her quarter-life crisis. My dermatologist recommended a face wash in the shower called Panoxyl. It’s over the counter but pretty harsh – so be careful! It’s been a game changer for my oily skin, especially when I was in school and touching my face in exasperated sighs all the time. 

Big disclaimer: what works for me, might not work for you; even if our skin types are the same! I used a lot of cheap drugstore products to wash my face my whole life without problem. Now, however, I need to be a little more careful about the things that I’m putting on my skin. I’d encourage you to look up the long words that are in the ingredients list. You don’t have to spend heaps of money on good stuff either!! Brands like The Ordinary are available at Ulta for less than $10. 

I just posted this on my LikeToKnow.It profile! (liketoknow.it/emydblog) where you can find all the things that I use in my routine & where you can get them!

The Takeaway

As I get older, I’ve realized just how much the outside world affects my skin, my hair, my allergies, my appetite, and everything in between. I’m not sure if it’s because we become more introspective as we get older or maybe, it’s because I’m just absorbing too much of what’s around me. Though change in our routines can be scary, it’s sometimes necessary! Unfortunately, I can’t use the same products as when I was in a pool for 4 hours a day because it’s not my lifestyle anymore. 

Along with all of this though, is the reminder that your skin is imperfect and blemished just like every other person’s. We use makeup, apps, and software to make it look perfect… but you’re not unworthy of a photo or event because of a bad skin day. Even the beauty gurus that pop up on our Explore page don’t go through life without a breakout. I’m so tired of hiding my whole face because a blemish makes me feel unworthy. If we’re going to preach body positivity, it better be about the whole damn thing. 

Struggling with acne? Have a to-die-for solution? Connect with me on any of the social platforms below!

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What I Learned As a Big Girl

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I’m at the point in my quarantine where I’m back to watching movies all day everyday. My list is pretty exhaustive, even if I’m rewatching some old favorites. One that I watched for the first time was “Dumplin”. Originally, I thought it was just about a chubby girl who wants to do pageants, but I was so wrong. It brought up a lot of trauma I didn’t know I had. Weirdly enough, it helped verbalize what I learned as a big girl.

It’s Not ALWAYS Like the Movies

Watching people scream “Fatass,” down the hall made my heart break for the girls in the movie, but it wasn’t something I could relate to. Sure, I had my fair share of venom spit at me, but I wasn’t innocent in the words I let fly. People said hateful things about my weight on anonymous forums like Ask.fm – a place that it was easy to be mean without owning up to your words. Every teen’s nightmare, if you ask me. Little did they know, though, the biggest bully about my weight was me. 

I looked in the mirror and silently repeated worse things than anyone could ever say. The names that I called myself were never actually verbalized. No one took my lunch money because I had thunder thighs. Nah, it’s not like the movies in that way.

 In the movies, it’s like the outward force is the only one that needs to be overcome. You have one Masquerade ball where the hot guy kisses the chubby girl and everyone suddenly thinks she’s also hot. What if that’s not everyone else you have to convince that you’re hot? What if it’s yourself?

The Scars Run Deep

As I literally sobbed at a Netflix movie, I realized that there was still a lot of damage from negative inner dialogue for so long. The scars that I gave myself trying to fit into an unrealistic mold ran much deeper than I thought. I’m heads and shoulders above where I was, but it takes a long time to unlearn that much hatred in your own skin, your muscles, and your being. 

It’s something that I have to bring up in new relationships. My need for validation isn’t because of something my partner is or is not doing. It really boils down to my disbelief that I deserve affection, attention, and love in this form. Like Dumplin said to the cute boy at work, I spent so long thinking “boys like you don’t end up with girls like me,” that it’s hard to unlearn that. 

Cute Boys Don’t Make You Feel Better

I used to think that if I could just get someone to dote over me, all body image issues would just melt away. I held onto a pretty toxic relationship for a long time because if you’re with someone you have to be kind of desirable, right? I’m aware of how humiliatingly desperate that sounds. When you’ve trained your brain that being wanted equates to being beautiful, you’ll take what you can get. 

That also translates to the dating apps. As much as you want them too, having 45 conversations going on Hinge isn’t going to make you feel less self conscious. I’ve learned that no matter how many people you have telling you that they want you or how many comments you get on your photo. Life starts to change when it’s you that’s telling yourself those things. 

It’s Not Forever

Like with everything in life, there are good days and bad days. There are days where you could not get me to wear anything besides a 3XL sweatshirt and leggings. Other days, I will wear a dress and put on lashes. You have to unlearn the habit of talking to yourself like you’re less than. 

I had to learn how to make myself feel good first. There’s songs that make me absolutely feel like a million bucks. I’ve bought lipstick just to treat myself. When all else fails, I remember what I would say to someone I loved going through the same thing. 

I would remind them that the number on the scale doesn’t dictate your worth in everyday life. The way that your arms look in a photo doesn’t mean that the love of your life will leave you. I would remind them (and me) that confidence in the face of vulnerability is the most beautiful thing in the world. We are beautiful today. We’d be beautiful 200 pounds heavier – even if it wasn’t very healthy. God damn it, we are worthy of loving our being – big girl, small girl, nonbinary pal, short guy, tall guy, or anyone in between. 

What I REALLY Learned as a Big Girl

I’m pretty damn special because I’m me. It’s irrelevant to my weight or the way that my stomach looks in a swimsuit. I learned some things about body image the hard way, but my favorite thing I’ve learned is that being me is better than anything else I could be. 

I Was Scared of Working Out

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I gained an exceptional amount of weight in a short amount of time. I packed on about 60 pounds in three years. It doesn’t sound like a ton when you’re reading it, but it felt like a hell of a lot when I was looking in the mirror.

This is the part of the blog when everyone gets excited because I’m about to uncover the magic recipe to how I lost 60+ pounds quickly and easily. It’s the blog where I tell you how you can unlock the secret too.

A day when I was celebrating two of my favorite people getting married and I look back and I remember how scared I was to take care of myself. I remember how sad I was behind that smile.

SIKE. This is  the blog where I get unbelievably vulnerable about the “rock bottom” of my relationship with weight. It’s about the photos that I would  cry over, because I had no idea where to start. I hated every single part of my body which in turn made me hate myself as a whole. In the perfect story, this would be the part where I went to the gym everyday, only ate things that were green, and lost all that weight and then some. Honestly, though, I was terrified of working out.

I would say I am decently athletic. I’m no marathon runner, but I could swim some damn laps. I wasn’t necessarily a star, but if I put my mind to it I would at least be better than average.

When I looked in the mirror and saw inches in places that I had never seen, I couldn’t even imagine myself back in the pool. Do people get back in the pool when they’ve retired from their high school swimming career? Where do ‘fat’ people go to buy workout clothes? My Nike shorts were so tight at this point that there was no possible way that I would be seen at my local YMCA. So, seriously, where do you start? At that point, I couldn’t even get in touch with the bones holding me together. I felt gigantic. All I wanted to feel was tiny.

At that point in my life, I needed to work out to lose weight. I didn’t care about my health – mental, emotional, or otherwise. Working out because I loved myself wasn’t something I would learn for a long, long time.

When I started to rationalize that paying $15.00 for an Uber was better than walking 3 blocks to the bars, I realized I had a problem. It wasn’t because I had heels on… When I gained a bunch of weight, I didn’t like wearing heels anymore. It definitely wasn’t because I was too drunk. Nope, I just got all sweaty walking a relatively small distance.

So, I had to start at home. I had to do something in the privacy of my own home that I could sweat unbelievably hard and quit after just 10 minutes. (If you’re looking for a workout that you can do at your own pace but that gets you GOING check out TheFitnessMarshall) I started following women who were in the same place that I was in. They validated me, knowing that I wasn’t able to do everything I previously was able to, but they also inspired me to work hard.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3pql2ijfJY/

Slowly, I started to feel like I could do more. I made it to the YMCA and worked out in front of people for the first time. I felt totally out of my element and I was extremely aware of the amount of sweat falling from my face onto the machines. I loved looking up those body transformations on Instagram and dreaming about what it must be like.

I started to see actual changes; little toned up muscles here and there. I started to dance a little longer at Latin Night without feeling like I was actually going to die. The accounts that I followed started to multiply and turn into body positive ones.

A big part of fixing my fear of working out in public was fixing my mind. It was convincing myself that people weren’t watching every step that I was taking on the elliptical. I healed emotional wounds that led me to a bunch of binge eating fits. I reformed my inner dialogue after many sessions of therapy.

It wasn’t easy. I tried to take the easy way out with pills or crash diets just to see a different number on the scale and avoid facing that fear.  I still have days when I have to work incredibly hard on my positive inner dialogue when I look in the mirror. There are still days when I avoid my workout at all costs because I still can’t do two hours like I could when I was 15.

But now, working out is something I get up and plan. It’s something that I want to do. Now I am an ambassador for FNXFit – a role where I can prove that supplements and gear aren’t limited to one type of person. I am an example that any body type can benefit from fitness. I am a member of a gym that I love (even if I’ve had to get really creative while staying home).

I’m still carrying a lot more weight than I want to be carrying, but I’m not scared of the starting point. I don’t have to hate my body anymore. I am not terrified of the workout. In fact, there’s even times I crave it.

You can also get involved with FNXFit by trying out any of their amazing supplements or gear. I’m not kidding when I say it made me feel like a total beast & made me actually want to workout! My current favorite is Recharge preworkout in Blackberry Lemonade. You can use my code “emyd” at checkout for an additional 15% off your entire purchase!

What is your relationship with working out look like? Are you having trouble getting into the gym? Contact me on any of my socials below to tell me your story!

Edited by Vanessa Reza. Contact info can be found on the ‘Contact Me’ page!