Tag: mindset

Being Proud of Your Decisions

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Today, I listened as my brother stood his ground about a decision that was really hard for him to make. Like many other eighteen year olds, his first year of college was not what he planned on or dreamed about for years. Thus, like many others, he decided to defer for a semester – to work, save, and learn how to be an adult while the pandemic has it’s way with the world. Unfortunately, he was made to feel bad about his decision. He stood his ground and confidently listed the reasons why staying home felt the best for him right now. Truthfully, he grew up right in front of my eyes right then and he taught me a little something about being proud of your decisions.

Queen Indecisive

Nothing is promised to you in this life. There’s nothing that we’ve learned more clearly in a global pandemic than that lesson. Honestly, it makes being indecisive a little easier when you feel like a lot is riding on virtually every decision that you make. I mean, sure it might just be what we’re having for dinner but what if the love of my life is at the OTHER place. Yes, that’s dramatic; however, you get the point.

For a majority of my life, I’ve absolutely not been good at making decisions. I really dislike disappointing people and I don’t want to be the one to blame if things go wrong. I eventually learned that it’s a little thing called Social Anxiety that inhibits making decisions that involve others. As my mental health got worse, I was indecisive because I didn’t want the attention to be on me. It was the perfect storm.

There comes a time, though, that you have to start making decisions. If not for everyone in the room, at least for yourself. You can make them and think about all the things that could have been. Or, you can make them and be content in the decision that you made. 

What Could Have Been

I’m sure we all have a moment in our life that we would take back if we could. I’ve absolutely said things that should never have come out of my mouth. I have also dated men that were just plain old bad to me. I’ve gone back to men that were bad to me.

Honestly, a lot of the poor decisions that we make come from a lack of confidence in our own decision making ability. We seem to second guess ourselves and think of all the things that “should’ve, would’ve, or could’ve” happened. Things definitely would have turned out differently, but better? Nobody will ever know. Nothing is promised in this life. Spending your time wishing you’d gone with another decision rather than leaning into the one you’ve already made seems like a BIG waste of time. 

Mistake Versus Decision

I made the conscious decision to go back to men that were not treating me very nicely. Even when I talk about it now, I don’t think that I’d change it. Some part of me needed to learn what I was worth through heartbreak and a bunch of tears. Saying something that you don’t mean, however, is a mistake. Like, decision-making, it’s important to come to terms with your mistakes, take responsibility, and move the eff on! There’s nothing worse, however, than someone standing by a mistake as if it was a decision they consciously made. 

For example, if you’re wrong about information you said and a friend calls you out on it. Unless you preemptively planned on spreading false information, it was a mistake. You don’t have to stand your ground to be right when you make a mistake. All the cool kids are saying sorry about behavior, thoughts, and actions that aren’t right these days – get with it!

Being Proud of Your Decisions

I watched Sullivan tell a person of authority from his school his truth. He was proud of his decision to take a beat. He knows that though it’s not right for everyone, it’s what’s right for him. Making decisions that are best for you, your mental health, finances, or just your happiness feels good! You are allowed to feel good. 

It can be as simple as, “I don’t want to do that.” Decisions don’t have to be made resentfully or in haste. Giving yourself power and autonomy in sticking to them can greatly increase your quality of life – not to mention the quality of those you surround yourself with! So, what’s are YOU deciding for YOU today?

Tell me about something you’ve done for you lately in the socials below!

Finding the Silver Lining

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In both my podcast and my blog, I’ve talked about how quarantine has seriously changed everyone’s way of life. Whether your senior year came to an end, you were laid off, or you try to find normal at work every shift – it’s weird! With people continuing to get sick and no vaccine available quite yet, we’re probably going to be living in this weird uncertainty for a bit longer.

The best way that I’ve heard this period described was similar to “mourning.” We mourn the loss of hugging our friends when we see them after a while. We mourn the loss of being able to walk around Target at the drop of a hat. We mourn the loss of being able to even get our nails done. Some of us have even had to mourn the loss of our loved one’s lives due to the terrible illness. It’s a time of mourning a life as we knew it, and attempting to make this our new normal.

Separate from religion, I believe in energy. Things happen for a reason and lessons presenting themselves when we need them most. I have faith in the Universe. I know that even in the worst moments there can be a silver lining with which we grow. No, I don’t believe that Coronavirus is God’s wrath sent down to punish the sinners. If that makes you stop reading this blog, I’m sorry for the disappointment. But, I do believe that something is to be learned from the worst moments that Coronavirus has presented in front of us. Whether or not it was fair for us to learn them, we were ready to learn them, or we even needed them at the time, there might be a bright side to this dark time.

The silver lining

I’ve more saved now, then I ever would have. I know that some people can’t say the same thing. However, not having the ability to go to bars, nail salons, and malls has been a huge blessing to my bank account. It’s also made me realize that some of my coping mechanisms include spending money rather than dealing with a problem.

I haven’t been adding to our fossil fuel problem. I seriously drive my car twice a week. Again, I know that I am speaking for myself here. However, at the height of quarantine, I had no need to go anywhere. “Getting out of the house” was just taking a long walk – something I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t done in a while. In the nicest way possible, there isn’t anywhere to go, so I don’t go anywhere.

This is a big one. My dogs are really happy I’m home. I’m not a cat person, so cats might be a different story. My dogs, however, are in literal Heaven having their humans constantly at home with them. My little Nala is an anxious wreck sometimes (just like her mom) but seems to be thriving. As the weather has gotten nicer, the dogs spend more time outside sunbathing and occasionally chasing a rabbit or two. You can tell they’re just happy to have more cuddles when they’re ready to go to bed at night.

Most importantly, I’ve been able to find peace with myself. Before all of this happened, I was going. I was trying to run a blog and a podcast while working full-time to make rent. Before the restaurants shut down, I was working, eating, and sleeping. The only other thing that I had time for was an occasional night of drinking with my friends. Needless to say, though, my lifestyle was not healthy or sustainable for someone who was trying to be successful. Though I was pushing content and getting to work, the burnout was absolutely on the horizon. The resentment for the life that I was living was coming – I could feel it.

The takeaway

Even if it was through bad circumstances, COVID19 forced me to take a breath. It forced me to take a break from the routine that I had fallen into. I had to question whether or not I was okay with it. It made me find peace with parts of my life I loved. At the same time, I was pushed to change the parts that I didn’t.

No, I may not say that I’m glad that it’s happening. Far from it, actually. However, that I can see the silver lining that washed up after all the waves of bad news. At the end of the day, I can say that I will survive. I can say that I am stronger because of Coronavirus.

Have you seen the silver lining in your life in this time of uncertainty? If so, what is it? Are you having a hard time finding it? If so, let’s talk about it! Start a convo with with me with any of my socials below!

A Morning Routine To Get Up For

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My biggest downfall in the self development sector is that my morning routine is not great. Other people that I work alongside wake up at dawn, get a long workout in, and do a full face of makeup. I, however, have learned how to get up at exactly the last moment to get to class, work, or whatever else I have planned for the day.

Now that I’m a graduate, my magical ability to leave the house six minutes after waking from a deep sleep is not nearly as impressive. Brushing my hair is not as “up in the air” for going through an entire day as it was for sitting through a power lecture. Truth be told, those tendencies signaled to the world that I didn’t see lectures as a priority. I didn’t even realize how important a morning routine could be when it came to mental health, preparedness, or quality of life.

I listened to an amazing podcast by Rachel Hollis that talks about supercharging your morning. My jaw dropped while I listened to all the things that she could fit into her morning before her day even really started. Here I am, always complaining about not having time to get my work done, when people like Rachel are tapping into that 6am hustle.

I’ve been experimenting with a morning routine since graduation. I’ve listened to podcasts like Rachel’s, read way too many blog posts, and had a lot of rough mornings. Through all of that, I’ve compiled a list of things that are essential for an amazing morning routine:

Wake up at a consistent time

This was taken at approximately 5:30 a.m.. It’s moments like these that we’re missing out on in the morning.

I used to always use the excuse that my work schedule was consistently changing so that I couldn’t get up at the same time every day. Like I said above, college classes don’t prime most of us to be morning people either.

Simply rising at the same time every day will build a habit in your muscle memory. Eventually, you probably won’t need an alarm, because sleeping past that set time doesn’t feel “right” in your bones. In Rachel’s podcast, she talks about getting up with the sun, but you don’t have to jump from a noon wake up to getting up at dawn. Rather, find a time that works for you, your lifestyle, and serves you the best and stick to it. You deserve that consistency.

  • Here are some tips in how to start that process:
    1. – Use your alarm as an actual alarm – no snoozing!
    2. – Set yourself up with at least 8 hours of sleep the night before
    3. – Jump right into your routine so you don’t fall back asleep!

Don’t reach for your phone first

Technology is the lifeblood of my business. My phone is my alarm clock, list of reminders, and primary contact for everyone in my life. Between my Mac and my iphone, is about 20,000 photos that I sort through before posting every blog. So, not instantly reaching for my phone in the morning has been a hard pill to swallow.

When we grab our phones, even if we every intention of being productive, we usually end up on social media or playing a game. Responding to emails usually turns into mindlessly scrolling through Twitter which is not a way to start out of a productive day. Rather than spending your first couple minutes staring into a phone screen, use them to get out of bed, get yourself together, and clear your mind! Avoiding your phone for even 10 minutes can cut out some of the chaos that technology automatically gives us.

EAT SOMETHING!

My morning routine on my California vacation was actually really impressive. This was breakfast everyday! Thanks, Aunt Peg!

I’m clearly not a dietician. Throughout our lives, though, we’ve been told the importance of breakfast. Whether it was as an advertisement for a sugary cereal or by your middle school health teacher, it’s common knowledge that a well balanced breakfast sets you up for a good day. While sleeping is used to rest our minds, it’s also used as a period of fasting. The term breakfast literally comes from us breaking the fast that we’ve had overnight. So, whatever you’re choosing to break that fast with usually plays a big part in what you’ll eat throughout the day. If you reach for a super sugar breakfast, you’ll probably crave it at lunch and dinner as well. If you opt for something with fiber and protein, your other meals might look a little healthier too.

In general, it’s so important to get something in your body to start your day. Calories, carbs, and vitamins are what fuels us throughout the day. Without breakfast, we’re drawing from whatever we ate the night before which will definitely lead to a burn out.

Make your bed part of your morning routine

You can tell how productive my day is going to be by walking into my workspace. During COVID19, that workspace has been my childhood bedroom with ALL my gadgets stuffed into it. If my bed isn’t made, though, I’m not at my optimal level. I’m not working at 100%. A consistently unmade bed can also mean this in my life, but it’s always a signal that I’m not ready to be working at 100%. Making your bed is a super simple way to clean up your environment and manually remove some of the chaos that we encounter in our day to do. While other moments of uncertainty can not be avoided, we want to prepare ourselves by tackling all the ones that can be!

Make a list.

Bloggers love lists. I mean, for God’s sake, you’re reading one right now. For me, a list has been immensely helpful in ticking off the important stuff and remembering the not-so-important stuff. I typically scribble down lists in my bullet journal, which has become my absolute ride or die. But, if to-do lists aren’t really your thing, there are many other lists that can increase productivity and be a little more entertaining. 

  • Morning list ideas:
    • – 5 things you’re grateful for (I do this!)
    • -10 goals you have for your future self (I do this too)
    • -Affirmations, or really nice things you’d like to say to yourself and remember throughout the day
    • -Habit tracker – this one can get as complex or simple as you want it to, but it’s really interesting to look back and see what habits you think you’re doing that aren’t actually getting done
    • -Bible verse/quote of the day

Not only are these things going to inspire you to put a little pep in your step, but they might get your important head muscle working too. Writing lists like that can be everything our brain needs to wake up and be ready for whatever the day throws at us.

You are reading the blog of the biggest night owl around. I’ve gotten very comfortable with things that should be done in the morning being done before bed.

Like every other habit we build in life, though, morning routines take time, patience, and repetition. There are mornings when 8 a.m is not going to feel great. There are even more mornings where your list will have three points on it. But, you have to keep going. Routines are built when habits have formed in our brain. Sometimes, that means completely reteaching ourselves to be early birds, rather than night owls we’re prone to being. If you don’t have enough time, energy, or structure in your day, here’s one question: What is YOUR morning routine?

What would you do to supercharge your morning? What are you doing that’s totally working? Let me know by sliding into the DMs of any of my socials below – I want to hear from you!

A Look Into a Depressive Episode

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For the most part, I’m okay. I haven’t always been able to say that. I mean, for most of my formative years I would grumble, “I’m fine.” Everyone around me knew that was a lie, but I thought I was pulling it off decently. It wasn’t until I  found myself in writing that I felt comfortable sharing that maybe I wasn’t okay. At that time, I needed help and I needed it fast.

I wrote a blog at the beginning of Mental Health Awareness Month about the guilt associated with my  happiness as a vocal advocate for the mental health community. In that blog, I talked about how I have mostly considered myself to be in the recovery part of my mental health journey. The bad days don’t come as often as they used to. When they do, I’m usually equipped to handle them in a healthy way.

You already KNOW that I’m all about habits and habit tracking. I make my bed everyday and try to keep my environment clean….unless I’m in a depressive episode.

That doesn’t, however, mean that I’m cured. I absolutely love to hear success stories of patients who struggle for a bit, go through some intense therapy, and move on with their life leaving depression in the past. I absolutely believe it’s possible. Everyone’s mental health looks so different. What might need temporary help for one person might require lifelong care for another.

Personally, I feel great. I feel healthier and happier than I ever have. The group of friends that I have are ones that I would call my “forever friends.” The things that I’m doing and planning right now are setting me up for my life, rather than just for next month or next year. I’m genuinely recovering. However, I still have my depression and I still take medication.

Like every human on the face of the Earth, I have bad days. Like every person who’s ever gone through a treatment or recovery, I have moments of weakness. You put being a human together with the natural rollercoaster that is “getting better” and VIOLA! You’ve got some perfect storms brewing!

My depressive episodes are nothing like what they were at 16. Even though I occasionally get sassy with my family (Sorry, guys), they’re mostly full of tears and isolation. Here’s an example: During a depressive episode, I won’t change my clothes for  3 days. I’ll sit and cry over seemingly small things, do everything in my power to stay in my bed, and lash out when someone tries to motivate me. Then, I’ll start feeling bad for not working out, showing up for the business, or blowing my friends off and I’ll cry some more. I eat as many carbs as I can find, which I subsequently will beat myself up for later. All of this is separated by about 4 two-hour naps throughout the day to aid my emotional exhaustion.

The aftermath of a few days of depressive episode. Honestly, this is pretty tame compared to other times. I removed the Taco Bell wrappers pre-photoshoot 😉

I don’t want you to pity me. I want you to look at this situation for what it is: reality. To be honest, my episodes are pretty mild compared to those who suffer from bipolar disorder or those who haven’t had any sort of mental health treatment. Episodes look different on everyone, but I can promise with 100% certainty that they’re never glorious

I’m lucky. My family and friends are loving enough for me to approach and explain how I’m feeling to them. We openly talk about mental health a lot. But, being able to explicitly say, “I’m not okay and need some time,” is never easy! If you’re years into this battle or just starting off, speaking the fact that you’re having a little bit of a breakdown into verbal existence can be extremely difficult. But, it can also lead to much easier communication down the road. You don’t owe anyone an in-depth look at your psyche, but simply saying that you need time and space is neither selfish nor rude.

I’ve been hesitant to share my breakdowns on social media. I’m supposed to be a mental health blogger and aspiring coach. In my head, that means I’m supposed to have this knowledge that makes me valuable to you. You know what, though? I have breakdowns. I have moments of weakness when I cry over getting the wrong taco (seriously, that happened). I have times when there’s total chaos and I’m not as centered in my life as I would want to be. But, above all, I am human.

Reading this, right now, so are you. You are a human being with feelings, emotions, weaknesses, strengths, blood, guts, and boogers all making up this beautiful thing that is you. You get to have moments of tears  where you don’t need to flex your muscles. Because you are human, you are bound to have moments when life hits a little too hard. It could be a depressive episode, an anxiety attack, a breakdown, or just a big bitch fit. Guess what? It is OKAY.

We’re not going to stay in that space, though. We’re not going to waste time letting life beat us up. We’ll let out a few cuss words or tears and get back up. Got it? It’s not about what the episode looks like. It’s about how you recover from it. Because yeah, I might have cried over a taco, but you’re damn sure I got Taco Bell right after that.

How has your mental health been? Are you flying high, experiencing a little bit of an episode, or chilling somewhere in the middle? Connect with me on any of my social media accounts below. I want to hear your story!

Edited by Vanessa Reza. Contact information can be found on the “Work With Me” page.

Don’t Worry, Be Happy

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My brother and I were pondering what could be the most contradictory message that I could sharenon my blog. Maybe something like “You Shouldn’t Talk About Your Mental Health,” where I advocate for everyone keeping their traps shut. There are already many people in this world who spend their time writing articles with titles such as “Depression is a Choice,” so I think we have that base covered. Then I started to realize, I should probably write that contradictory blog. I should probably address all the people that scroll through my website and roll their eyes. 

No, I’m not going to sit here and side with you. First off, it would piss off quite a few people who trust me to write with an open mind and heart when approaching something as delicate as our mental states. Secondly, I wholeheartedly disagree. Every single blog that I write has a goal  of connecting to your inner self, your mental health, and your mind. If you don’t believe that some people might face some problems in that department then maybe this blog will change your mind. Seeing the world as more than just a binary  of “happy” and “sad” will seriously change your life. 

My parents knew almost nothing about depression when I first started my high school cry for help. They didn’t say they were clueless. They definitely didn’t know what to do or where to start when it came to addressing a situation that was unraveling before their eyes. Like most in their generation, they were raised to rub some dirt on it, wipe away tears, and get back up again. For all intents and purposes, this isn’t a terrible mindset to have. I mean, these are the men and women who have fought a couple of wars and whose parents survived the Great Depression. Was there really another way?

Generally speaking, in their generation, problems were dealt with in the home. Even then, no one really had the resources, technology, or knowledge about mental health to advocate for it or understand it like we do now. We constantly say that more and more people have mental illnesses now, but what if people just weren’t willing to be anything other than “normal?”

All that being said, my parents are definitely outliers amongst their peers. When others didn’t really understand or support my confusing disdain for everything around me, my dad was driving the mental health support train with my mom blowing the whistle. I’m blessed. People often applaud me for being open about my mental health journey, but they never think to applaud my parents for taking the leap with me. Being so vocal about my experiences has meant putting some really vulnerable moments online that people don’t always understand, especially when they think that I just wake up every day and choose to have depression or anxiety.

Yes, I did have pink hair & no, I don’t regret it.

I was probably 19 when I first had someone ask why I couldn’t just be happy. The look on their face was a mix of judgement and genuine curiosity. I’ve gotten the whole “I would NEVER take medicine,” thing too many times to count. I still tease my mom about saying “I think you should just get some exercise and you’d feel way better,” when she started to notice my mood shift downward. 

If there was any possible way that I could wake up, press a button, and decide my diagnoses wouldn’t  bother me that day, I would do so in a heartbeat. I’m going to take a leap of faith in saying that literally every single person that has a mental illness would do the same thing. I absolutely don’t blame people for not feeling like medicine is their thing. It’s not my thing either! But damn, you don’t wanna hang out with this homegirl without  her meds because it’s what WORKS FOR ME! Also, I would love to just sweat/eat right/meditate/sleep/work all of it out, but that’s not how it works. 

Mental illness is exactly that: mental. You can’t see my social anxiety from across the room at the doctor’s office, but it’s very much there and it’s very much real! That classic Bob Marley song that I conveniently used as the title for this blog also used to piss me off when I was younger because I was worrying all the time which in turn made me the exact opposite of happy. You know the one. I get it. It’s a song. It’s supposed to make you feel good. But, just because you haven’t felt mental illness in your mind or coursing through your body doesn’t make the experience less real for someone else. 

I haven’t personally broken my leg, but I understand that it would probably hurt. I don’t need to feel my bone break to believe in that kind of pain or suffering. More importantly, I trust the opinion of doctors that study and treat those people in the best way that they know how. Does a psychologist need to put someone’s head in a cast to have the world believe that you can’t just wake up and be healed? Maybe I’m comparing  apples and oranges, but if someone asked why you can’t just choose to start running on your broken leg you wouldn’t know where to start. If they shamed you for taking ibuprofen because when THEY broke their leg THEY didn’t have to, how would you feel? If they told you to just get some more sleep and it would go away, what would you say?

So yeah, don’t worry and be happy, my friends. But know, that there’s a time and place where you or the people around you can’t easily fit into the mold that is “happy.” Understanding each other is the first step in advocacy for mental illness. Even if you’re lucky enough to not have a first hand experience with mental illness, knowledge in the fact that there’s not just two camps of “happy” and “sad” can go a long way in how we love and treat one another.

Even if this blog still seems like some sort of persuasive essay and you still haven’t been convinced, I hope you’ll take a look at resources like National Alliance on Mental Illness who can say all this stuff more technically and less based on personal experience. Moral of the blog: I hope you never ever question why someone’s “choosing” to be sad. I hope you tell your kids, grandma, dog, lizard, succulent, and any other life form that will listen that happiness isn’t a choice. It’s something that you work at. Some of us just need a little support in that department.

Here at EmyD you’ll see an ongoing narrative that if you’re trying your best, no one can ask anything else of you. That goes for happiness too. If you’re trying your best to get up, show up, and just survive, in whatever that looks like right now, I’m proud of you!

Have you ever felt misunderstood or misrepresented in your mental state? Even after explanations, examples, and tears? You are not alone! Connect with me on any of the social below – I want to hear your story!

Edited by Vanessa Reza. Contact info can be found on the ‘Contact Me’ page.

I Was Scared of Working Out

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I gained an exceptional amount of weight in a short amount of time. I packed on about 60 pounds in three years. It doesn’t sound like a ton when you’re reading it, but it felt like a hell of a lot when I was looking in the mirror.

This is the part of the blog when everyone gets excited because I’m about to uncover the magic recipe to how I lost 60+ pounds quickly and easily. It’s the blog where I tell you how you can unlock the secret too.

A day when I was celebrating two of my favorite people getting married and I look back and I remember how scared I was to take care of myself. I remember how sad I was behind that smile.

SIKE. This is  the blog where I get unbelievably vulnerable about the “rock bottom” of my relationship with weight. It’s about the photos that I would  cry over, because I had no idea where to start. I hated every single part of my body which in turn made me hate myself as a whole. In the perfect story, this would be the part where I went to the gym everyday, only ate things that were green, and lost all that weight and then some. Honestly, though, I was terrified of working out.

I would say I am decently athletic. I’m no marathon runner, but I could swim some damn laps. I wasn’t necessarily a star, but if I put my mind to it I would at least be better than average.

When I looked in the mirror and saw inches in places that I had never seen, I couldn’t even imagine myself back in the pool. Do people get back in the pool when they’ve retired from their high school swimming career? Where do ‘fat’ people go to buy workout clothes? My Nike shorts were so tight at this point that there was no possible way that I would be seen at my local YMCA. So, seriously, where do you start? At that point, I couldn’t even get in touch with the bones holding me together. I felt gigantic. All I wanted to feel was tiny.

At that point in my life, I needed to work out to lose weight. I didn’t care about my health – mental, emotional, or otherwise. Working out because I loved myself wasn’t something I would learn for a long, long time.

When I started to rationalize that paying $15.00 for an Uber was better than walking 3 blocks to the bars, I realized I had a problem. It wasn’t because I had heels on… When I gained a bunch of weight, I didn’t like wearing heels anymore. It definitely wasn’t because I was too drunk. Nope, I just got all sweaty walking a relatively small distance.

So, I had to start at home. I had to do something in the privacy of my own home that I could sweat unbelievably hard and quit after just 10 minutes. (If you’re looking for a workout that you can do at your own pace but that gets you GOING check out TheFitnessMarshall) I started following women who were in the same place that I was in. They validated me, knowing that I wasn’t able to do everything I previously was able to, but they also inspired me to work hard.

https://www.instagram.com/p/B3pql2ijfJY/

Slowly, I started to feel like I could do more. I made it to the YMCA and worked out in front of people for the first time. I felt totally out of my element and I was extremely aware of the amount of sweat falling from my face onto the machines. I loved looking up those body transformations on Instagram and dreaming about what it must be like.

I started to see actual changes; little toned up muscles here and there. I started to dance a little longer at Latin Night without feeling like I was actually going to die. The accounts that I followed started to multiply and turn into body positive ones.

A big part of fixing my fear of working out in public was fixing my mind. It was convincing myself that people weren’t watching every step that I was taking on the elliptical. I healed emotional wounds that led me to a bunch of binge eating fits. I reformed my inner dialogue after many sessions of therapy.

It wasn’t easy. I tried to take the easy way out with pills or crash diets just to see a different number on the scale and avoid facing that fear.  I still have days when I have to work incredibly hard on my positive inner dialogue when I look in the mirror. There are still days when I avoid my workout at all costs because I still can’t do two hours like I could when I was 15.

But now, working out is something I get up and plan. It’s something that I want to do. Now I am an ambassador for FNXFit – a role where I can prove that supplements and gear aren’t limited to one type of person. I am an example that any body type can benefit from fitness. I am a member of a gym that I love (even if I’ve had to get really creative while staying home).

I’m still carrying a lot more weight than I want to be carrying, but I’m not scared of the starting point. I don’t have to hate my body anymore. I am not terrified of the workout. In fact, there’s even times I crave it.

You can also get involved with FNXFit by trying out any of their amazing supplements or gear. I’m not kidding when I say it made me feel like a total beast & made me actually want to workout! My current favorite is Recharge preworkout in Blackberry Lemonade. You can use my code “emyd” at checkout for an additional 15% off your entire purchase!

What is your relationship with working out look like? Are you having trouble getting into the gym? Contact me on any of my socials below to tell me your story!

Edited by Vanessa Reza. Contact info can be found on the ‘Contact Me’ page!