Hi, I’m so happy you’re here. My name is Sarah Bell & I am very new to the blog life so thank you for your love & patience as I get my feet wet.
A little about me – I’m 29 (almost), married to my best friend, Bryan & we had our beautiful son, Carter in March of this year! I’m sure most of you, if not all of you can agree that 2020 has been a whirlwind to say the least. I could go on for days about everything that’s happened to us over the last 9 months but I thought instead, I’d share some positive pieces with you. Thanks to COVID-19, I was laid off in August. Up until now, I have always had a full time job & even when I was pregnant with our son, I told myself I always wanted to have a career AND be a mom. My view point on that quickly changed when I was home with CJ & got to see him roll over for the first time! I immediately burst into tears thinking, OMG, what if I was at work when this happened & I only got to watch it through a video? I know most families don’t have this luxury, so I truly feel blessed to be able to experience being a SAHM, even if it’s only for a little while.
In just a few short weeks, we are moving to our new home & I could not be more excited. My focus for this blog is going to be affordable home décor finds, fashion for every season & A LOT of mama/baby moments. Currently our townhome is an absolute wreck, & that does not vibe well with my OCD tendencies so you can imagine how ready I am for this move to be over & we are all settled.
When I first came up with Being the Bells, I was working full time at an investment firm & didn’t have the opportunity to put the time or energy into it the way I wanted to. Soon it was on the back burner just like every other dream I’d had & quickly disappeared into thin air. Once I was laid off I took a good hard look at what I REALLY wanted to do with my life. What was going to make ME happy? It’s never been just about the money for me. I’ve always wanted to find a career path that I would love & could be profitable from. I knew if I was going to do this again, I needed to really dedicate myself to it & did just that.
This quote really says it all… taking my doubt & fear of failure and turning that into my motivation & determination to be successful in this line of work. Don’t get me wrong, I still have a long way to go & a whole lot of work to do but, I have met some of the SWEETEST women re-starting this journey & they have given me all the confidence in the world to push through and succeed.
Being the Bells is me. It’s my husband. It’s my son. It’s my passion. Anyone with a dream…chase after it. Don’t stop until you’re so in love with your life that everything leading up to that moment was worth the struggle. Everyday I’m at this I hope to learn & grow with each and every one of you. We may not be able to change the last 9 months of this year, but we can certainly go out with a BANG to end it. Thank you all so much for checking me out, I really look forward to sharing more with you!
I know that National Suicide Prevention Day isn’t a national holiday. It’s a day dedicated to the prevention of suicides around the world celebrated on the 10th of September each year. Does the general public know of this day? Absolutely not. To be honest with you, I didn’t even know the exact date until I was approached by a mental health organization on IG. So, as a mental health advocate and blog owner, I didn’t know the day of the year that we show our commitment to preventing suicides for the entire year. Something is wrong with that. So, today, I chose to write about my experience, my story, and my commitment to preventing suicide 365 days a year. *TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, suicidal thoughts, depression*
I would never have classified myself as someone that was suicidal. Even now, despite sharing a bunch of vulnerable stories online, I’m hesitant to put that out there. Suicide feels too dark and real to put online sometimes. But, like everything I put online, I share because it might make someone else feel a sense of community, belonging, and comfort.
My Story
In my file, you’d find a note from my high school years that reads something like “Displays Suicidal Tendencies.” The things I said were in line with someone who didn’t care whether they were on this earth or not. Goals that I had for the future were nowhere to be found – partially because I couldn’t imagine a future.
My experience with suicidal thoughts or how to combat them is different than others. It’s not the same as what you see in the movies or even on those videos that they show you in health class. For me, everything just kind of was numb. I didn’t care about grades, friends, or anything that had given me joy. All I had the energy to do was sleep & sleeping forever seemed like a pretty good solution to these problems.
My story as you’ll find, is not a one size fit all. Some people have trauma that pushes them into depression and suicidal tendencies. Some have depression in their biology that deals them a rough hand of cards from the start. After that, problem solving feels harder and harder every time. There’s some like me, who have an amazing life, an amazing family, and essentially all the right tools to make it, yet still fall into the trap of having dark thoughts. Some people fit none of those descriptions.
The Realities of Suicide Prevention
Understanding suicide and treating it as a reality in our world is always the first step to combatting it. First, let’s just get this out there: suicide exists. Unlike popular opinion, it’s not just 20-somethings who have been mentally disturbed their whole life. In fact, the highest demographic affected by suicide is middle aged white men, according to the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention. It’s K-12 students who’ve been bullied, gone through trauma, or just dealt with undiagnosed mental illness. Our elderly population is not immune either. Though we have a schema for suicide, understanding that prevention goes far beyond a classroom or social media screen is extremely important.
I’m not a doctor, a therapist, or even a volunteer for a mental health organization. The credibility I speak from is having gone through my own issues. Thus, I can’t sit here and say all the ways you can combat suicidal thoughts and tendencies. I can, however, talk about how I learned to live when all I wanted to do was die.
MY Suicide Prevention
I was talking very openly about death (a huge warning sign – follow this link for more info) even if I hadn’t begun to develop a plan. It was clear to those that loved me the most that I cared very little about things that happened in my life – good or bad. In fact, I was ready to disconnect from anything that made me feel committed. Speaking very candidly here, I started to imagine what other’s lives would be like without mine. Would they be better off? My anxieties pushed me to think so, but something about that felt wrong. I couldn’t imagine my baby brother talking about the sister he “used” to have. No matter how irritable, angry, or just confusing I had been I was still his big sister.
I Started Talking
Thank you to HeartSupport for this graphic and the #InsteadILive campaign that inspired this blog!
The first time I said “I’m not okay” outloud was really difficult. I had been getting through the day, going through the motions, and crashing into rock bottom as time went on. When I finally let those words out of my body, it felt like a tidal wave.
Talking about my depression, anxiety, and dark thoughts has been hugely therapeutic for me. Even now, speaking openly about things that might be uncomfortable has made me feel empowered to be exactly who I am. Speaking about thoughts that I had allowed my family and I to pinpoint some areas of my life that were at an absolute breaking point, even if I didn’t see them as such. When you’re talking about your feelings, you can also get to realizations faster than just keeping it all bottled up.
It was so hard for the people I love to hear me speak about life so apathetically, but it also allowed us all to work towards a healthy solution to the problem.
I Created
Courtesy of HeartSupport and the #InsteadILive campaign
If you guys couldn’t tell, I do have a blog. LOL. No, but I’ve been writing about mental health and those moments of pure mental anguish for a long, long time. Even before they were under the name “EmyD”. I also used song, dance, and art to express thoughts that I literally could not formulate into words. Throwing myself headfirst into hobbies allowed me to give a shit, for lack of a better term. When all else failed, I had something that actually made me feel productive and a bit more human.
Don’t get me wrong. There were days that I was so mentally exhausted I couldn’t get out of bed. The idea of “perking myself up with a painting” would have made me vomit. Let me tell you, though, learning to live for something is a game-changer. I couldn’t put all of that on my brother because it’s not fair, nor does it give me autonomy as a young woman. I had to learn how to love what I could say, do, write, and create all on my own.
I Advocate
While I still have a mental illness, it’s been a long time since my mind has had a suicidal thought. It’s not because I’ve grown out of it or completely changed. Rather, it’s because I found value in life that I couldn’t see. I learned coping mechanisms for mental illness that only worsened it. Lastly, I learned that saying “I need help” doesn’t make you any less of a badass.
These days, I still have really bad days. They come much more in frequently now. Between them are many really great days to ward off the darkness. But, I still have bad days. I advocate for people with mental illness and suicidal tendencies because living is the best decision I’ve ever made.
I advocate now because six years ago, I needed someone else to advocate for me. I commit myself to preventing suicide in any way I possibly can on this National Suicide Prevention Day. Even when it gets dark and scary, I have to remind myself that I can defy the thoughts that want to put me down by saying, “Instead, I live.”
Thank you so much @HeartSupport for creating such an important initiative and constantly advocating for important things. Thank you, Taylor Palmby, for encouraging me to look into the #InsteadILive campaign!
Join the conversation on any of my socials or find valuable resources through HeartSupport!
My sweet friend, Kate, recently sent me a message asking me how I got to where I’m at: how I put myself out there, how I overcome insecurity, and how I don’t worry about what others think. Truth be told, I did all of those things for a long time when I first pressed “Activate” on my own website. There’s still days where it overcomes me. Even if it doesn’t seem like it everyday, there’s a lot that goes on behind the blog.
Why I Started
As you know, I’ve been writing for a while. I’m a huge advocate for journaling because it’s been one of the only ways I can express my chaotic emotions in a healthy way. Blogging, though, is different. Different in a way that when I finally finished…it was out there. It was on the internet. In a way, sending those words off into cyberspace has almost released the tension from inside my brain.
Along with that release, comes a wave of anxiety about what people will think about what you just wrote. Will they like it? Will it resonate with anyone? Is anyone even going to read this? Truth be told, when you initially post you don’t have any of those answers. If you’re looking for outward gratification in comments, likes, and messages, you’re not going to get it every time. If you’re piece changed one person, though, it was worth it. That includes you.
When I say that, I don’t mean that every Facebook status is worth posting. In fact, I would like you Baby Boomers to take just one more second before you send that aggressive novel of a status. Instead, I mean that sharing, posting, and relating to others through our own experiences can be hugely beneficial. We can literally make a community behind our blog that makes every post easier.
Out with the Old
These days, I’ve started to care less and less what old acquaintances think of my blog or what Timmy from church has to say about my way of life. One, because they aren’t paying my bills or contributing to my serotonin levels. Two, because it makes me feel good. So back off, Timmy.
The motivation behind the blog comes from moments like this… where I’m reminded how beautiful, amazing, and genuine my everyday life is!
Even if this blog had zero views, (which I will brag that it does in fact have more than zero) the fact that I feel more and more comfortable talking about things like addiction, body image, and mental health is worth the price of a website even if no one was reading. It’s worth the time it takes to write.
In With the New
When you’re on Pinterest, you seem to think there’s two camps of bloggers. There’s the Tumblr blogger that you would only come across in a rabbit hole.Or, there’s the blogger that makes millions of dollars, has all the deals, and has definitely published a book or two. Absolutely not.
I was surprised to see just how big the blogging community was. It’s full of people who exclusively post on Instagram in photo blogs. There’s people making a ton of money from their words and definitely will have that book deal we were talking about. There’s also mid-sized bloggers (like EmyD!), specific niche bloggers, and so many others. The coolest thing is that they all support each other. It’s not cut throat and weird like other businesses you could get into.
I was okay with letting go of the hope that everyone from my small Wisconsin hometown was going to read my blog when I saw how many people actually understood me across the world. There were so many people that, like me, just wanted to write, create, and make money while doing it. Suddenly, the dreams that seemed too big for my little town felt too small for the groups I was encountering!
Behind the Blog Today
Thank you Evan MacDougall at E.Mac Photography for this amazing pic!
Everyday there is something different going on behind the blog. One day, I can’t even get a cohesive sentence out. There’s no way a blog is going up. There’s other days were scrolling through Instagram is mentalling exhausting. Yes, I’m fully aware of how unbelievably ridiculous that sounds, but when you work and hustle online you’d want to throw you’re computer out the window somedays too. There’s other days where I literally cannot tell enough people about how cool my job is.
I consider myself a blogger, an influencer, and a PR strategist. Taking my own life into my hands, I decided that writing and social media was going to be the way that I was going to make my living because it made my heart feel good.
Are there days where I’m scared? Yes. Do I push the boundaries of my own self confidence to post some things? YES. I mean, for God’s sake I said how much I weigh! But, at the end of the day, would I change a thing? Nope.
Are you thinking of starting a blog? What’s stopping you? Connect with you on any of my social media platforms to learn how YOU can start your own brand and make money online!
** This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase through one of the links! **
I was very careful not to put the word “if” at the beginning of the title for this blog. It’s “You Can Write a Book Today” because you can. I know you can. It’s possible. There’s really no “if” to add there.
Every time I go through a bookstore, scour the bookworm hashtag online, thrift for gems in large piles of books, or even just scroll through Amazon, I’m amazed at the sheer amount of books that exist. If you want my all time favorite book, you’d look for The Giver by Lois Lowry. If you wanted my favorite book in the personal growth genre, you’d look for You Are A Badass by Jen Sincero. There are genres, worlds, and cult-followings to appreciate all by opening a book. Crazy, right?
Realistically, you could write a book right now, right? If you’re reading this blog, you probably know a good amount of words to string together and formulate a book. Even if it’s not Nobel Prize material quite yet. You could do it.
Swimming and Writing a Book?
Stick with me in this long-winded analogy, okay? It will make sense. Along with all the things you’re reading about me do, I also teach kids how to swim in the summer. I did not swim thousands of miles a day for eight years for it to go to waste.
Let me tell you something about kids… they are in one of two camps. They are either unbelievably unafraid where they jump into the pool with no lifeline and no idea how to swim. This camp is sparse and so refreshing as a teacher. Then, there’s the camp that most children find themselves in when they try just about anything new – terrified of their utter demise.
Don’t get me wrong. You need to fear the water a little bit so you don’t dive into a winding river that is NOT supposed to be swam in. Usually what children fear, though, is their own lack of knowledge. They could swim perfect laps in the shallow end and the minute they know they can’t stand they’ll forget all about it. Arms will start flailing, legs will spazz, and that head goes under fast. When you start telling kids that their bodies, their minds, and their muscles naturally know how to help them to the top, they just have to calm down and let it happen, something changes for them.
I have a kid in my classes that was terrified of the deep end. He could swim like he was on a swim team in the shallow end. He told me that he was still scared of sinking to the bottom no matter how many times I told him I wouldn’t let that happen. When I finally described that his lungs are full of air to help him to the top, his fear washed away with every jump. He yells “When I’m calm, I float!” Which is both adorable and true.
You Body Knows, You Need Calm
Whether or not you want to believe it, your body, mind, and muscles all know how to push forward. They know how to keep you afloat and help you survive. When you take a big plunge like going to college, making a big investment, or taking a year off to write a book, your body reacts how you allow it to.
“I can write a book today,” is an affirmation that not everyone has. However, putting that calm, clear truth into the world allows your body to go with the flow. Giving into the overwhelm and stress is the start of your flapping arms. Screaming at your spouse about alone time while you write your chapters is the spazzing of feet. When you start to resent the action, rather than love the process… that’s your head going under.
So… You Could Write a Book Today, Right?
This goes for any big dive that you take in this life. It’s easy to resent those big moves when you’re exerting all your energy in the process. No, I’m not teaching a group of children that swimming is just letting water do what it wants to you, which is not what I’m advocating for your life jumps either. I am, however, telling you to love the process because there was a moment you didn’t think you could.
Book writing was my deep end of the pool. I was terrified of the utter demise that was putting my words onto paper and people reading them. I’m not like Jen Sincero or Rachel Hollis. They were the Olympic swimmers to me in floaties. As I kept writing, researching, and loving my own mind, I realized that I could write a book today. I could write ten books. It might be scary and take practice, but my heart already knows how to keep me afloat and write the words.
What’s a big jump you’ve been waiting to take? Would your body know what to do? Let me know in my socials below!
** This post may contain affiliate links, which means I may receive a small commission, at no cost to you, if you make a purchase through one of the links! **
I live in a place where not everyone is sold on masks. It’s not like New York City where people want to wear masks because nearly everyone has either had this virus or seen a loved one have it. I live in Wisconsin where open farmland stretches between every big city. There’s a lot more space and less people so the case numbers don’t look so bad on paper. You’d think that it would only push people to wear masks in the bigger cities…nope. I guess I never really had to think about why I wear my mask.
People DON’T Wear Masks?
I’m not going to trash Wisconsin too much in this post. There’s too many die-hard Badgers on all of my social media feeds. Also, it’s still the place that I call home. Milwaukee and Madison make up a huge percentage of the State’s population which tend to be very liberal parts of the state. Smaller counties tend to be more conservative with far less people. There’s obvious outliers like cities with big universities or one’s that are closer to the Illinois border, but you generally see those liberal vs. conservative trends throughout the state. Living in two fairly liberal counties for all my life, I always thought that Wisconsin was split. Then, I started to go up north.
After we all took COVID tests, self-quarantined, and bought enough hand sanitizer to fill a bathtub, my friends and I went to an AirBNB in Somerset, Wisconsin. It’s a tiny little town near the Minnesota border. I would definitely consider it “up north” even if my friends would laugh at me.
The most outrageous P. Diddy party that you’ve ever seen. We know. But, we got swabs up our nose for this so cut us some slack.
While I’ve been buying disposable masks for my car and researching where to buy good hand sanitizer, I would bet money that half the residents of these small towns didn’t even think to buy one yet. In small town Wisconsin, the threat of a pandemic truly hadn’t brought stress to their everyday lives – not because they couldn’t see it on their TV or weren’t worried about their families, but because they hadn’t necessarily seen it with their own eyes yet.
Why DO We Wear Masks?
As humans, empathy can be hard. We have to watch our role models care about things that might not directly be affecting them. We feel sad when mommy cries even if we have no idea what’s going on. As we grow up, we’re really angry that our friend got bullied on the playground, even if it wasn’t us. We learn that the actions toward others and of others can affect us. Enter global pandemic and perfect opportunity for us to show our empathetic sides!
My sweet friends, Megan and Nathan, have put masks on their children since March. Their kids are a whopping 2 years old and 3 years old (he would tell you he’s about to be 4 and he wants an ankylosaurus for his birthday). They know that taking their children into public places, like a quick Target run, does not guarantee anyone in their house safety. They know that the little piece of fabric covering their child’s face doesn’t protect against everything. They’ve taught their children, however, that masks are what superheroes wear to keep everyone else safe.
Photo credit: Nicodemas Nimmo
They know that they have to wear their masks to keep others safe. So, those little babes and my sweet friends teaching them empathy are why I wear my mask. Because if toddlers can wear masks for a grocery run to keep other people safe, my grown 23-year old ass can.
I Wear My Mask Because…
I wear my mask to keep people like my grandma safe. That little lady has spent the better part of 5 months in her house with only a couple adventures to the outside world. As someone who is extremely high risk, my grandma and other people’s grandparents are braving it to get their errands done. I wear my mask to do whatever possible to keep them safe!
I wear my mask for my amazing hair dresser. I’ve been seeing her for years. Even if I wasn’t picketing with signs about it, my roots were looking pretty rough in quarantine. I’ve done enough hair treatments to sing “Beauty School Dropout” as my theme song. Truthfully, I will be adding those Shea moisture products (here are the ones I use) as a source of amazing self care long after COVID, but a girl needs some stylist attention too! Her business and clients are a livelihood that she depends on for financial security and her own sanity. I wear my mask to keep her safe so that she can snuggle her grandkids on the days she has off. If I want to enjoy the luxury that is going to get my hair done, I can prioritize health in that process.
I wear a mask for my immunocompromised friends who’ve already had a hard go at life. I’ve watched some take their blood sugar before we go out and give themselves insulin. Some have lost a ton of muscle mass just trying to figure out what they could eat. Others can’t even go a week without having a fever. I wear a mask for my friends with asthma, allergies, and colds. Those who normally feel fine but wouldn’t be okay I exposed them to something.
I Wear My Mask Because I’m a Superhero
At the end of the day, I wear a mask for me. I wear a mask because it sends the message that I want to send out into the world. It says that I care about others – that I’m empathetic to their health, well-being, and lives. It shows that I will do what’s in my power to end this weird period of pandemic. I wear a mask to set an example that it’s the “cool” thing to do even though I’m surprised it’s a discussion. I wear a mask because I’m a superhero and they always help others.
Why do you wear YOUR mask? Tell me using the links to any of the socials below! I want to hear your story!
I met Demi Lovato in 2014. This is not a story of me magically running into her in the bathroom of my favorite restaurant. I bought tickets to her show. I bought the Meet & Greet package. But, I met her. A celebrity changed my mental health journey.
My life was at its absolute worst when I was a Junior in high school. My mental health was undiagnosed and running rampant. I was smart enough to get good grades in school but had become completely apathetic of actually learning or retaining anything. Being civil, I was able to hold it together but I pushed away those closest to me with a sharp tongue. I turned to hurting myself to feel anything at all.
If you’ve never been through this kind of low, it’s really hard to understand. If you’ve never felt the jagged rocks of “rock bottom” in your back as you stared blankly at your bedroom ceiling, this might be hard to wrap your head around. Honestly, I wouldn’t wish this feeling – or lack thereof – on my worst enemy.
My friend, Ross, had already met Demi before. I clung to him that year as one of my only sources of sanity. There was something about his overwhelming obsession with her that I didn’t really understand. Then, I really listened. Instead of staring at my ceiling in my dark bedroom in silence, I did it to the tune of “Skyscraper” coming off of my iPhone. I listened to her pain – something that I could understand. The triumphs in her lyrics faintly reminded me of moments before the depression got so bad. I actually listened to the music.
Ross and I in the second row at my first Demi Lovato concert. I only cried three times!!!
To me, Demi wasn’t a Disney-star-gone-rogue. She was talented and misunderstood. She was forced into a box for so long that she simply couldn’t take anymore – which is exactly how I was starting to feel. As I got diagnosed with new mental illnesses, I felt more and more like a freak show. Suddenly, I went from the blonde, preppy girl who was in everything to the depressed, anxious girl who was constantly absent. I was meant to fit in a box that my undiagnosed mental illness wasn’t allowing me to and the promise of an absolute shit show was looming.
Her honesty about addiction and drug use was something that I found really admirable. Her ability to speak about addiction in young people was something I didn’t even realize was a problem until my college years. By then, I had been following her for so long I saw the red flags a little more clearly. Most of all, I related to her because she wasn’t a Barbie. She was human – flawed, vulnerable, and damaged. Yet, someone that people could look up to. Something that I hoped I could be one day with my mental health.
“Now, I’m a Warrior”
I don’t know if I would have started talking about my mental health if it wasn’t for Demi’s story. More specifically, for the music. I started to pay attention to my drives to school. The actual words on the songs playing out of the speakers in my Chevy Malibu. On the DEMI album, there’s a song called “Warrior” which is my absolute favorite song to this day. So, if you ever need to answer trivia about me, there you go. It truly is about her coming to terms with a story that’s never been made public. That story finally makes her feel like a survivor; a warrior.
Even if I didn’t feel it at that moment, I knew that my mental health was something that I could handle. It was something that would change me forever and it didn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. I knew that this was just another chapter in the story of my life that I would tell someday to my kids, my friends, or really anyone that would listen. Somewhere inside of me, I felt comfort in the words that Demi sang. Maybe our hardest moments really are there to bring out the warrior within us.
Demi’s influence on love & relationships
Now, six years later, there are still moments where you can see the place I “wear my battle scars” of depression as the song says. My partners have seen me be “ashamed and confused” of the person I was for a long time.
Demi went through a couple relationships that always looked like love. To me, it gave me hope that someone could love me even if my brain didn’t produce enough serotonin. Demi had breakups, just like me. She sang about them in ways I didn’t think I needed, but I did. She empathized with me in loving someone we no longer had. Ripped my heart out in ballads just aching for them. But, she ultimately reminded me that I didn’t need anyone. I was a baddie just being me. Just like I was still a warrior from all those years ago.
Demi just got engaged. It was kind of like my best friend from kindergarten got engaged. You know the feeling, right? You haven’t seen them in a really long time. They’re not a huge influence on your daily life. But, at one point, they were all you had. In that moment, I was reminded that mental illness, addiction, self harm, and negative body image doesn’t make you less lovable.
The person that I had looked up to as a positive light for all those things had pushed through to find love, but what if she never really pushed through? What if part of our journey to happiness, acceptance, and healing is finding someone who jumps on that mental health rollercoaster with us? What if true love is finding someone to squeeze our hand when our stomach drops? Not make you get off and hold you, but just squeeze your hand. What if true love is someone that will scream at the top of their lungs alongside us at the very top? Not someone who just takes pics for the IG? Demi reminded me that mental illness doesn’t mean you’re half. It means that you have to look a little bit harder to find all the parts of your whole.
STILL, I’m a Warrior
At the end of the day, though, I do feel like a warrior. I know that I’ve survived every single hard day that life has thrown at me. I know that having a mental illness might absolutely suck some days. There will be temporary people who don’t understand. Mean words are going to be flung my way. Never again, though, will I try to fit into a box and deny who I am.
I have severe clinical depression. I can say I have generalized anxiety. Sometimes, my severe social anxiety is noticeable. I suffer from panic disorder. I take medicine. But, I am me. I am a warrior. Demi was the first person I saw that made it cool to NOT be okay. Her music was the way that I understood the rollercoaster of the struggle and that I’m not the only one riding it.
Have you had a celebrity that changed your life? Tell me about them in any of my DMs below – I want to hear your story!
We tend to forget that therapists, counsellors, and psychiatrists are humans just like us. They have families and responsibilities outside their jobs. They have bills to pay, children to watch, and relationships to foster just like the rest of us. We see them as guides through really tough times in our life. Sometimes, they’re the only voice that can speak to us while we’re drowning. It’s natural that they seem almost untouchable; above our everyday problems. Still, they have them. Sometimes, you might find yourself in my boat: my therapist left.
Clearly, I don’t have any photos with my therapist…. but, this is right around the time that I started seeing her in 2016! Lipstick is killing it. Mental health? Not so much.
The best thing in the world is meeting and working with someone that you click with. The therapist that I’ve had for the last few years has been that. Where others have been quick to prescribe meds, she knew that I always wanted to try another route first. She knew that I was unbelievably analytical, so self-diagnosis was a serious problem if I let myself go too long without seeing her. Lastly, she knew that I was stubborn. I would go to my dying day saying that I was fine. If I had to handle school, work, and stress while dealing with a severe mental illness, I would without help. But, I would do so until I absolutely broke down.
The Realities of Having a Therapist
Finding the right therapist can be difficult. It’s like a blind date. You’re not really sure how you’re going to click with this person. However, you’re expected to unload a lot of intimate thoughts onto them. I’ve definitely done an intake with someone who I totally did not click with and requested a new therapist.
Sometimes, the therapist you’ve heard amazing things about isn’t taking new clients. You have to wait for a referral from someone that’s higher up the food chain. In the hospitals, where these therapists are more accessible and insurance carriers are more likely to cover it, the faster therapists fill up. Can we all just agree that we need more mental health resources at LOWER COSTS?!
Once you find someone that clicks, you kind of cling to them like a weird stuffed animal. You get attached pretty fast. They become part of your family, but like an objective part that will tell you that you’re being irrational. You know? It’s all part of the realities of having a therapist and being a client.
My Therapist Left
Another harsh reality is that your therapist might move! As I said before, these people are human beings with families, lives, and responsibilities that exist outside of their offices. In my experience, therapists that have moved practices or from one state to another have done so with ample notice to their patients. Obviously, I’ve been blessed with finding a great couple of providers, but I’ve never called to make an appointment to find out they’ve vanished. Usually, when they leave, they’ll refer you to another therapist that they think will work for you. You get the final say, of course. They give you time to see them and make those arrangements.
All of that being said, however, doesn’t make that loss any easier. Being understanding about the fact that my therapist had children and a life outside, doesn’t invalidate that that is a loss in my life! A therapist is someone that you share intimate thoughts and traumas with and you are allowed to feel a sense of loss – they know that which is why they try to make the transition as easy as possible!
Truthfully, it’s not something that is a “typical” occurrence by any means. You’re more likely to move to a new place or need to switch providers far before you’d ever deal with a therapist moving, but it does happen. When it does, we need to know that it’s okay to feel that loss, feel it all, and reach out for help during that transition.
The Takeaway
Here’s me without a therapist! A LOT of healing has happened since the first photo. As with any human, I still have more to heal, more to work on, and growth to make in this life of mine! Therapy ROCKS because we make it rock, not just because of our therapists…. even if they rock too 😉
Most recently, I called my nurse practitioner about some more guidance in choosing who to schedule my next appointment with. Something that I thought was totally in my own hands was made very comfortable by having a professional walk me through my file and talk to me about therapy I preferred! A quick telephone call can save you hours of scouring the Internet looking for a name to jump out at you, when you might not really know what you’re looking for! There’s NOTHING wrong with asking for help in times of these weird transitions – in fact, everyone involved wants you to!
So yes, my therapist left a couple months ago. She absolutely rocked. I’m going to miss meeting with her. The relationship that I had with her was so beneficial for me in some of the darkest times of my life. At the end of the day, I’m allowed to miss her! But, I know that there’s therapists that are smart, able, and willing to accompany me in my mental health journey just as she was all those years ago!
If you’re having trouble finding a therapist, getting yourself involved, or just want to talk about other options/my experience with therapy, PLEASE get in my DMs below! I want to chat!
My favorite self-help queen, Rachel Hollis, is in what she calls a “difficult season” right now. She’s gracious enough to share these little glimpses of her life as it drastically changes. She’s allowing her followers and readers to see a little bit of her pain through her emails, podcasts, and posts. However, as someone who’s felt pain so deep that you feel hollow, I know that she’s only allowing us a glimpse. She’s set a healthy boundary on what the world is allowed to see into her private, personal life.
For a long time, I’ve broadcasted pain, hurt, and embarrassment online. I’ve told the Internet how much I weigh and that one of my family members called me fat. One time, I told my podcast that I wanted to kill myself for about 75% of my Junior Year or high school. I’ve given you my prescriptions. My stomach sank as I let the world know that my boyfriend was cheating on me. I’ve told you all about my migraines that make me feel like an alien. Still, I walk around with next to zero regret for any of the things that I’ve shared online.
As a blogger, it’s difficult to separate what I should share and what I should keep to myself. In one frame of mind, the more that I’m vulnerable with you, the more you might feel empowered, safe, and strong. On the other, though, where do we draw the line between vulnerability and tearing your heart out?
Here’s Rachel’s argument on setting boundaries:
In her podcast, “Seven Things that Are Helping Me Through This Dark Season,” Rachel talks about how people are really quick to judge what, how, or when we’re willing to share our grievances. For her, they’re expecting another New York Times Best Seller when all she wants time away from her life. In my case, I think I’m expected to put everything I’ve been through online. As if not blogging about it makes it less of my truth; my story.
As Rachel says in the podcast (which I think you should go listen to even if you’re not going through a dark season), no one gets to tell you how to mourn. No one gets to tell you how to handle the things that pop up in your life. Even the therapists that we pay the big bucks don’t instruct us how to deal with our problems. Rather, they help us wade through chaos or mixes of emotions we can’t quite get through on our own.
Truth be told, even as a blogger, there are things in my life that you don’t know about me. I’m a pretty open book, but there are struggles in my life that are no longer relevant to the journey, uplevel, or message I want to spread now! Does that make them any less a part of my story? No. Does someone telling me I don’t have a story make me want to tell them? Still, no.
At the end of the day, when you close all the apps, shut your laptop, and actually power down, you have to be proud of that person laying there. Setting boundaries is one of the healthiest things you can do in any relationship or friendship. It can also be so successful for feeling good about what you’re putting out into the world via social media. Setting boundaries allows you to advocate for yourself. When people try to tear down that wall, a clear boundary is the highest, strongest, fortress you can arm yourself with.
Having trouble with setting boundaries with your online sharing? Want to learn the benefit of setting boundaries? Get in contact with me using any of my socials below – I would love to hear from you!
In both my podcast and my blog, I’ve talked about how quarantine has seriously changed everyone’s way of life. Whether your senior year came to an end, you were laid off, or you try to find normal at work every shift – it’s weird! With people continuing to get sick and no vaccine available quite yet, we’re probably going to be living in this weird uncertainty for a bit longer.
The best way that I’ve heard this period described was similar to “mourning.” We mourn the loss of hugging our friends when we see them after a while. We mourn the loss of being able to walk around Target at the drop of a hat. We mourn the loss of being able to even get our nails done. Some of us have even had to mourn the loss of our loved one’s lives due to the terrible illness. It’s a time of mourning a life as we knew it, and attempting to make this our new normal.
Separate from religion, I believe in energy. Things happen for a reason and lessons presenting themselves when we need them most. I have faith in the Universe. I know that even in the worst moments there can be a silver lining with which we grow. No, I don’t believe that Coronavirus is God’s wrath sent down to punish the sinners. If that makes you stop reading this blog, I’m sorry for the disappointment. But, I do believe that something is to be learned from the worst moments that Coronavirus has presented in front of us. Whether or not it was fair for us to learn them, we were ready to learn them, or we even needed them at the time, there might be a bright side to this dark time.
The silver lining
I’ve more saved now, then I ever would have. I know that some people can’t say the same thing. However, not having the ability to go to bars, nail salons, and malls has been a huge blessing to my bank account. It’s also made me realize that some of my coping mechanisms include spending money rather than dealing with a problem.
I haven’t been adding to our fossil fuel problem. I seriously drive my car twice a week. Again, I know that I am speaking for myself here. However, at the height of quarantine, I had no need to go anywhere. “Getting out of the house” was just taking a long walk – something I’m embarrassed to say that I haven’t done in a while. In the nicest way possible, there isn’t anywhere to go, so I don’t go anywhere.
This is a big one. My dogs are really happy I’m home. I’m not a cat person, so cats might be a different story. My dogs, however, are in literal Heaven having their humans constantly at home with them. My little Nala is an anxious wreck sometimes (just like her mom) but seems to be thriving. As the weather has gotten nicer, the dogs spend more time outside sunbathing and occasionally chasing a rabbit or two. You can tell they’re just happy to have more cuddles when they’re ready to go to bed at night.
Most importantly, I’ve been able to find peace with myself. Before all of this happened, I was going. I was trying to run a blog and a podcast while working full-time to make rent. Before the restaurants shut down, I was working, eating, and sleeping. The only other thing that I had time for was an occasional night of drinking with my friends. Needless to say, though, my lifestyle was not healthy or sustainable for someone who was trying to be successful. Though I was pushing content and getting to work, the burnout was absolutely on the horizon. The resentment for the life that I was living was coming – I could feel it.
The takeaway
Even if it was through bad circumstances, COVID19 forced me to take a breath. It forced me to take a break from the routine that I had fallen into. I had to question whether or not I was okay with it. It made me find peace with parts of my life I loved. At the same time, I was pushed to change the parts that I didn’t.
No, I may not say that I’m glad that it’s happening. Far from it, actually. However, that I can see the silver lining that washed up after all the waves of bad news. At the end of the day, I can say that I will survive. I can say that I am stronger because of Coronavirus.
Have you seen the silver lining in your life in this time of uncertainty? If so, what is it? Are you having a hard time finding it? If so, let’s talk about it! Start a convo with with me with any of my socials below!
My biggest downfall in the self development sector is that my morning routine is not great. Other people that I work alongside wake up at dawn, get a long workout in, and do a full face of makeup. I, however, have learned how to get up at exactly the last moment to get to class, work, or whatever else I have planned for the day.
Now that I’m a graduate, my magical ability to leave the house six minutes after waking from a deep sleep is not nearly as impressive. Brushing my hair is not as “up in the air” for going through an entire day as it was for sitting through a power lecture. Truth be told, those tendencies signaled to the world that I didn’t see lectures as a priority. I didn’t even realize how important a morning routine could be when it came to mental health, preparedness, or quality of life.
I listened to an amazing podcast by Rachel Hollis that talks about supercharging your morning. My jaw dropped while I listened to all the things that she could fit into her morning before her day even really started. Here I am, always complaining about not having time to get my work done, when people like Rachel are tapping into that 6am hustle.
I’ve been experimenting with a morning routine since graduation. I’ve listened to podcasts like Rachel’s, read way too many blog posts, and had a lot of rough mornings. Through all of that, I’ve compiled a list of things that are essential for an amazing morning routine:
Wake up at a consistent time
This was taken at approximately 5:30 a.m.. It’s moments like these that we’re missing out on in the morning.
I used to always use the excuse that my work schedule was consistently changing so that I couldn’t get up at the same time every day. Like I said above, college classes don’t prime most of us to be morning people either.
Simply rising at the same time every day will build a habit in your muscle memory. Eventually, you probably won’t need an alarm, because sleeping past that set time doesn’t feel “right” in your bones. In Rachel’s podcast, she talks about getting up with the sun, but you don’t have to jump from a noon wake up to getting up at dawn. Rather, find a time that works for you, your lifestyle, and serves you the best and stick to it. You deserve that consistency.
Here are some tips in how to start that process:
– Use your alarm as an actual alarm – no snoozing!
– Set yourself up with at least 8 hours of sleep the night before
– Jump right into your routine so you don’t fall back asleep!
Don’t reach for your phone first
Technology is the lifeblood of my business. My phone is my alarm clock, list of reminders, and primary contact for everyone in my life. Between my Mac and my iphone, is about 20,000 photos that I sort through before posting every blog. So, not instantly reaching for my phone in the morning has been a hard pill to swallow.
When we grab our phones, even if we every intention of being productive, we usually end up on social media or playing a game. Responding to emails usually turns into mindlessly scrolling through Twitter which is not a way to start out of a productive day. Rather than spending your first couple minutes staring into a phone screen, use them to get out of bed, get yourself together, and clear your mind! Avoiding your phone for even 10 minutes can cut out some of the chaos that technology automatically gives us.
EAT SOMETHING!
My morning routine on my California vacation was actually really impressive. This was breakfast everyday! Thanks, Aunt Peg!
I’m clearly not a dietician. Throughout our lives, though, we’ve been told the importance of breakfast. Whether it was as an advertisement for a sugary cereal or by your middle school health teacher, it’s common knowledge that a well balanced breakfast sets you up for a good day. While sleeping is used to rest our minds, it’s also used as a period of fasting. The term breakfast literally comes from us breaking the fast that we’ve had overnight. So, whatever you’re choosing to break that fast with usually plays a big part in what you’ll eat throughout the day. If you reach for a super sugar breakfast, you’ll probably crave it at lunch and dinner as well. If you opt for something with fiber and protein, your other meals might look a little healthier too.
In general, it’s so important to get something in your body to start your day. Calories, carbs, and vitamins are what fuels us throughout the day. Without breakfast, we’re drawing from whatever we ate the night before which will definitely lead to a burn out.
Make your bedpart of your morning routine
You can tell how productive my day is going to be by walking into my workspace. During COVID19, that workspace has been my childhood bedroom with ALL my gadgets stuffed into it. If my bed isn’t made, though, I’m not at my optimal level. I’m not working at 100%. A consistently unmade bed can also mean this in my life, but it’s always a signal that I’m not ready to be working at 100%. Making your bed is a super simple way to clean up your environment and manually remove some of the chaos that we encounter in our day to do. While other moments of uncertainty can not be avoided, we want to prepare ourselves by tackling all the ones that can be!
Make a list.
Bloggers love lists. I mean, for God’s sake, you’re reading one right now. For me, a list has been immensely helpful in ticking off the important stuff and remembering the not-so-important stuff. I typically scribble down lists in my bullet journal, which has become my absolute ride or die. But, if to-do lists aren’t really your thing, there are many other lists that can increase productivity and be a little more entertaining.
Morning list ideas:
– 5 things you’re grateful for (I do this!)
-10 goals you have for your future self (I do this too)
-Affirmations, or really nice things you’d like to say to yourself and remember throughout the day
-Habit tracker – this one can get as complex or simple as you want it to, but it’s really interesting to look back and see what habits you think you’re doing that aren’t actually getting done
-Bible verse/quote of the day
Not only are these things going to inspire you to put a little pep in your step, but they might get your important head muscle working too. Writing lists like that can be everything our brain needs to wake up and be ready for whatever the day throws at us.
You are reading the blog of the biggest night owl around. I’ve gotten very comfortable with things that should be done in the morning being done before bed.
Like every other habit we build in life, though, morning routines take time, patience, and repetition. There are mornings when 8 a.m is not going to feel great. There are even more mornings where your list will have three points on it. But, you have to keep going. Routines are built when habits have formed in our brain. Sometimes, that means completely reteaching ourselves to be early birds, rather than night owls we’re prone to being. If you don’t have enough time, energy, or structure in your day, here’s one question: What is YOUR morning routine?
What would you do to supercharge your morning? What are you doing that’s totally working? Let me know by sliding into the DMs of any of my socials below – I want to hear from you!
